HOW ‘LOVE OF CHRIST’…. Fixes troubled Marriages!
Introduction
Marriage is an institution established by God for the good of man, and to populate the earth. God ordained marriage to be a happy and pleasant union of a man and a woman, who love themselves enough to agree to live together all the days of their lives.
The man is created strong and the woman is meant to support and assist him. God endowed the woman with soft skills in almost all things, so that she is able to take care of the husband, the children other businesses of the home.
That is why the joy of marriage is always palpable in the beginning. The man is going to have a helper, while the woman is looking forward to a partner in love, who will take care of her, respect and honour her.
It is therefore ordained that a man should leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh – Genesis 2:24. And what they missed in their parents, they gain in their new companion.
Though the bible calls the woman the weaker sex, the soft skills God gave her was sufficient to put her on the driver's seat in the family. She is able to influence her husband on almost every issue.
Power of Influence
Along with the soft skills of the woman is an inert ability to influence men, especially their husbands. With this talent, the woman's power of influence began to manifest, right in the garden of Eden, where the first marriage was established by God.
God gave Adam instruction not to eat the fruit of knowledge of good and evil, warning that the day he eats of it, he shall surely die. That was long before Eve was formed – Genesis 2:15-17.
But Eve, the 'weaker' sex came on the scene, and the devil deceived her to eat the fruit, after which she persuaded her husband to eat the fruit. In one swoop, she made the husband disobey the word of God - Genesis 2:18. Isn't that amazing? The capacity of women to influence their husbands is strong!
Though the Bible calls women the weaker sex, their ability to make their husbands change their minds makes them look like they are the drivers of the men. That is why, when a woman is unable to influence the mind of her husband, you know there is a problem.
MARRIAGE COUNSELLING
One of the most difficult things in marriage reconciliation
is to get the two people to agree to go to a Pastor, or Marriage Committee or seek
external help over their troubled relationship.
The reason is that in frustration, they have exposed the happenings in
their marriage to friends and relatives.
These third-party groups are known to suggest remedies outside the
word of God.
The second most difficult task is getting the couple to agree to the Christian marriage doctrine, which makes the husband and the wife accountable to God and each other for their actions. The husband is expected to unconditionally love his wife, while the woman should unconditionally submit to her husband in all things.
When these two factors are settled, the couple is ready to allow the Spirit of God to intervene in their marriage. That's the best time to start the discussion. Marriage counselling can be broken into four parts as follows:
1. Questionnaire administration
2. The message of Christ for the couple - "Love of Christ'
3. The counselling Proper
4. Post counselling Follow-up
Questionnaire Administration
The following questions are asked and honest answers were obtained before the counselling could proceed:
1. Are you born-again?
2. Are you still in love with your spouse?
3. Are you ready to forgive the errors of the past and move on?
4. Are you ready to Love / Submit?
5. Do you still have respect for him/her?.
THE 'LOVE OF CHRIST' IN MARRIAGE
The “love of God” towards man is free and
unconditional. This love was so great
that He had to send His Son to come and
rescue man from destruction. Christ
is the head of the church, and of the man, became the head of the Christian
family.
In marriage, the knowledge of the word of God concerning marriage helps the husband and his wife to live godly and faithfully to each other and to the LORD. It makes them hopeful and confident, not vulnerable. It also allows them to establish godly order in their home and cultivate obedience to the Word of God.
Pillars of Christian Marriage
Christian marriage has four major Pillars upon which it
stands. It is a union between God, the
man and his wife. Jesus Christ is the
head of the man, and the man is the head of the woman – Ephesians 5:21-24. So, Christ is at the head of the family
union, followed by the man and his wife in that order.
The four pillars of marriage include:
1. The couple has to love God more than the spouse - Mathew 22:35-40
2. Loving your neighbours as yourself – Mathew 22:41
3. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the Church–Eph 5:22
4. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord–Eph 5:22
I believe that most marital problems can be traced to both partners failing to abide by these four pillars of marriage. The moment the LORD is not honoured in the life of the partners, their love for each other will go cold. Submission will also falter.
The minute the couple removes their focus from following the LORD and His way, trouble looms. Also, when they remove their eyes from each other, from seeking to make themselves happy, they are making their marriage vulnerable to wolves.
So, the love of Christ in marriage reveals God’s plan for marriage, and how partners in a marriage should conduct themselves. When it is carefully explored, it helps the man and his wife know how to love each other and enjoy companionship.
It challenges the man to love his wife like Jacob loved Rachel, and the women to submit to their husbands like Sarah, whose loyalty and submission were rehearsed in the bible.
To be in a position to allow the love of Christ to reign in your marriage, you would have received the love of God, Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour. Love of Christ in marriage has six major aspects, all of them looking at God’s purpose for marriage.
A. Loving God above all others
This is the first and greatest commandment. This is the first step to a godly
marriage. The man and woman getting married must know the Lord and obey His words.
It can be summarized thus:
1. Obedience – To love God is to obey Him. If you love me, obey my commandments. (John
14:15). The LORD speaking says “When you
obey my commandments, you remain in my love, just as I obey my father’s
commandments and remain in his love. (John 15:10).
2. Giving God the first place – Another way to
demonstrate the love for God is to make Him the first in your life. He gets the best of your time and resources. This is easy to do when you that God is the
beginning and the end of all things. You
are to love Him with all your soul, mind and all your strength – Mark 12:30.
3. Praise and Worship - To love God is to worship and
praise Him. To give Him thanks, worship
and honour in every situation. Luke 4:8
says “You must worship the Lord your God and serve only him.
4. Service – Doing His will and fulfilling the
purpose for which you were created are credible services to the LORD. Loving your neighbour is a kind of
service. When you help the widows,
motherless and the oppressed get out of their hardship, you’re also serving the
Lord.
5. Fear of God - The fear of the LORD is the
beginning of wisdom. Whoever knows God fears Him above all. Without the fear of the LORD in a person’s
life, his obedience will be selective and such a person cannot be stable in serving
the LORD. The fear of the LORD is a restraining
factor against evil thoughts and actions.
6. Trust in God - Whoever has caught the vision of
the Almighty God will surely trust in Him.
When we trust God to provide for our needs, we are saying that we have no
confidence in the arm of flesh. By doing
that, He will answer your prayers and give you more than you can ever ask of
Him. To commit your life and daily
activities unto Him is a way to demonstrate your trust in the LORD.
B. Spiritual Strength –
God expects the husband and his wife to walk in love and be united. It is a life of faith in God and spiritual strength. The couple believes and trusts the LORD for the best. They are united in looking for solutions to any problem that confronts them.
They confront their problems in faith. They agree on what they want from God and then pray together lifting their decisions to God. God honours agreement prayers. Two people working together will access superior wisdom as the Bible says 'Two are better than one – Ecclesiastes 4:9.
With tolerance, there will be harmony in the house and the couple will be able to agree on major issues in the family without bitterness. When they agree on any issue and pray together, their prayer carries tremendous power that will compel God to answer. But if they cannot agree on an issue, their prayers are hindered.
C. Companionship
Marriage marks the end of loneliness for born-again
Christians. The husband or wife you
married becomes your companion and helper of destiny. The person to share your life and challenges
with, and together both of you will find the solution to any problem.
Never should a Christian in marriage walk alone, or feel lonely. You are no longer going to take important decisions alone. The two of you will sit down and discuss the issues as they appear and find solutions to them. What is needed is honesty and the truth.
The two people in marriage will have to draw their family vision and plan of action, which will keep both of them focused on the family priority for a season. Such helps them to concentrate their energy on their plans, and avoid distractions outside their plan.
D. Unity of mind
Every Christian should understand how to pray, and the
different prayers in the bible. The
reason is simple… Prayer is the only way we relate to our LORD and Maker. Through prayer and faith in God, we possess
our possessions in Christ. Prayer is one
skill every Christian need and must have.
Marriage offers the couple the unique advantage of praying
together. To make their prayer
effective, the bible recommended they should first agree on the issue, and
believe God for it before they start praying.
Mathew 18:19 says “If two of you shall agree on earth as
touching any that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father
which is in heaven”. This is a
promise from the Almighty God that when two people believe Him for anything,
and pray to Him, He will answer them.
The partners are expected to commit themselves to live together in peace, tolerate each other, forgive and forebear with each other. They are to help each other.
E. Faithfulness - Holy and Righteous living
God expects all believers to live a holy and righteous life. Married men and women are to be faithful to their partners and to God. Infidelity and emotional relationship with a third party is not allowed. Cheating on your partner is an evil seed that destroys the relationship and causes 'bad blood'. Marriage trust broken by unfaithfulness is very difficult to recover.
Infidelity destroys the love existing between the husband and the wife. Given that adultery is the only reason for divorce allowed in the bible is an indication that God hate unfaithfulness. The matrimonial bed must be kept holy and undefiled. Sex outside the marriage is a sin against your partner and God. It breeds anger, jealousy and bitterness in the spirit, it could be an ice-breaker, and very hard to heal.
F. Physical fulfilment
Marriage is a platform for the husband and the wife to find
physical fulfilment in themselves. They
are expected to find pleasure in each other’s bodies. The husband and wife are free to satisfy
their sexual desires, so there is no need to look for pleasure outside the
marriage.
The couple should remain passionate about each other, even as issues begin to come to the fore. Their care for each other should not diminish. Love is not emotion, but responsibility and duty they owe each other. In discharging that duty, you have to learn how to love when your feeling says no.
Those sweet words of compliment should not stop. If it stops, the excitement will fade away and attention and care will also vanish. Eventually, the relationship’s sweetness and warmth go away, and there will be no joy left in the marriage.
This can cause a marriage to fall apart.
THE COUNSELLING PROPER
1. The counselling begins with an appraisal of their responses to questions and other forms administered to them, with a view to locating where the problem started - That is what went wrong and at what point. A consensus opinion is obtained from them.
2. The four pillars of marriage are thoroughly explained
3. The Dos and DON’Ts of Christian marriage
4. Personal responsibility - Areas of weakness and amendments.
5. ‘Loving each other, the excellent way’ fully explained
6. The place of family and friends explained
7. Communication and crisis management in marriage
8. Amendments.
POST COUNSELLING FOLLOW-UP
The program started with intercessory prayer and also ended with a series of prayers for each one of them and their marriage. There were agreement prayers for love, unity and success of the marriage.
The couple wrote their own amendment sheet, which they will work on within the first two weeks. Practical exercises were added for them to complete and bring feedback at the end of two weeks and one month.
Pray sessions were scheduled for the needs of the family, starting one month after the counselling session.
The couple were amazed they could get back with each other again, this time with greater love and zeal. Having known what God expects of them and where they went wrong, they were confident their marriage will stand the test of time.
The counselling ended with a Thanksgiving praise and worship unto God, with the prayer that the LORD that brought them back will keep them in His love until His coming. That the 'light' of the Word which they have agreed to live by will open their eyes to see the blessing and joy that is ahead of them.
We give all the glory, and honour to the LORD.
CONCLUSION:
I believe Jesus died for my sins and rose again for my justification. I repent of my sins and ask for forgiveness. I ask Jesus to come into my heart and reign as my Lord and Saviour.
I receive Him by faith and I am born again.
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