BIG WORLD, MANY LONELY PEOPLE......Don't manage loneliness, deal with it

LONELINESS

Introduction

Human beings, by God's design, have an innate need to be loved and belong. As children, we learn to give and receive affection and are taught the skills that will help us find acceptance in society. 

Through our relationships with family, friends, co-workers and others, we form our sense of individuality and find our place in the midst of life. It's when that need for affection and fellowship goes unfulfilled, that we become restless, unhappy...lonely.

God finished creating all the living things and saw that His creations were good.  He saw that Adam was alone in the garden of Eden and said "It is not good that the man should be alone, I will make him a help meet for him - Gen 2:18., A helper suitable for him. God recognized Adam's need for contact with another human being,  a need God had built into him. 

Our Saviour, Jesus Christ also said: "I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper, who will stay with you forever" (John 14:16)  So loneliness is not good for any person.  It causes a lot of health and social problems.  Loneliness can be fixed when the person suffering it recognizes the dangers of being lonely.

If you are struggling with loneliness, you're not alone. There are a variety of personal factors and other circumstances that can sometimes short-circuit our ability to connect with others. Perhaps you have become insecure about meeting new people due to past disappointments, you can come out of it.

Causes of Loneliness

Loneliness doesn't develop overnight. It can be the result of a lifetime of influences that shape our personality. Or it can evolve after a major transition or trauma. Often we are unaware of the subtle forces that can slowly lead us into self-imposed isolation.

There are also many social factors that contribute to loneliness.  Loneliness can result from "situational factors," circumstances like divorce, loss of loved one and men and women who are experiencing a delay in marriage.  

There can also be loneliness in marriage when the couple having continual disagreement and arguments, which are not resolved.  Unresolved disagreement in marriage makes people feel emotionally detached from each other.

Whatever may be contributing to your loneliness, there is a way out. It begins with confronting a cause of loneliness that is keeping you alone.  Many people are physically lonely, but spiritually they are not exactly lonely.  

Many children of God who are not physically lonely, because they are active in their local churches, but after praising the Lord, praying and fasting, they go home to cry for being without a husband, wife or children.

Some who are married, cry to God over the behaviour of their spouse that is causing them heartbreak.  So, loneliness can mean different things to different people, depending on your situation. 

Steps to Overcoming Loneliness

Self-examination:  Overcoming loneliness starts with honest self-examination of your life and how you relate with people.  You will need to prove into your personal life and the things that tickle you about people, life and things.  Examine what moves people towards others, especially people you have related as friends, colleagues and relatives.

Put yourself in the middle of your finding and discover why you are lonely or isolated.  You should identify your relationship weaknesses, strength and drawbacks.  

You must necessarily admit there is a problem before you can hope to solve the problem.  If you are the one lonely, then the problem may be from you.  For instance, if people misunderstand you and so are unable to relate well with you, it's your fault.

Beloved, you will need to identify why you are lonely.  Is any of the listed causes responsible, or are you too careful and technical that people find your attitude odd?  Check out these 34 causes of loneliness and take appropriate steps to break free.  God will help you!

Causes of Loneliness

1. Are you in a new location and do not know how to start?

2. Are you afraid of getting into a relationship with people because of previous relationship failures?.

3. Is it that you don't mix well with people? If that is the case, why is it difficult for you to mix.

4. Do you meet the wrong people always?  People who are older than you and who have different interest from you?

5. Are you a 'one-way' traffic person? From home to work and back home, Seven days a week?

7. Do you feel people will not like your company and why do you feel that way?

6. Have you been betrayed in the past, taken advantage of and so you are scared of people?

7. Is it that you cannot find the kind of people you like, people you can trust and move out with?

8. Are you tired of people telling you lies about themselves and you cannot bear with such life any more?

9. Is it that what you want now is to get married, no longer a boy or girlfriend?

10. Are you a widow, widower or divorce and you are not ready emotionally to start a new relationship now?

11. Do you love to be isolated all by yourself, but the habit is slowly getting out of hands as you dislike people coming around you?

12. Do you think people will always cheat on you, or take advantage of you for their personal gains?

13. Why is it difficult for you to find a friend in the Church, people of like minds as you are?

14. Why is it hard for you to find a good friend at your workplace or the neighbourhood?

15. Why is it difficult for you to develop a cordial friendship from among your brethren in the church?

16.  Why are you scared about people? 

17.  Are you a bad communicator?

18. Do you feel intimidated by people who are highly educated or successful?

19. Do you think you have low self-esteem, and why?

20. Do you have a strong and bold personality?

You have to discover why you are lonely.  Maybe you:

1. Are you a proud person, too picky and selfish?.   Please change!

2. Do you find it difficult to forgive offences?  

3. Are you too critical of people?

4. Do you expect too much from people?

5. Are you physically lonely or emotionally lonely?

6. Do you hate people criticizing you?   

7. Do you walk away from people, once they offend, cheat or lie to you?

8. Do you walk away from relatives who have failed you several times

9. Can you forebear people - Forgive and forget deliberate hurt?

10. Do you enjoy being lonely?

11. Do you hate anyone that brings trouble and problems to you?

12. Is it hard for you to cope with people who are not organized?

13. Are you an aggressive person?

14. Are you a very demanding person, it's difficult for people to please you?

15. Do you show kindness to people at all?  

16. Are you a workaholic, and every other person is lazy?

Dealing with Loneliness

Loneliness is clearly a social problem affecting many people in one way or another.  Some people have mastered how to deal with their type of loneliness and they are fine with their conditions.  For instance, A man of God lost his wife and decided not to remarry or think of another woman till God calls him to glory...Fine!

Many other people, especially the young and active people, who find themselves lonely cannot understand what they are doing wrong and how to come out of loneliness.

Know yourself, show others your true colours: If you will want to break from loneliness to a sweet marriage, I will advise you to know thyself first.  Know the kind of person you are. Are you jovial, smiling and ready to help others, or are you a strict person, goal-focused and uncompromising? 

Next, you have to identify your kind of man or woman.  There are people who are always smiling and love to make others smile.  There are strict and highly disciplined people, while there are people who love to be in the company of others, play and chat with them.  You should carefully find the character traits of people you can tolerate and live happily with.

If you love a neat and highly organized person, but you find yourself marrying an "I don't care" person because of beauty or any other consideration, you are mortgaging your joy, it will be costly in the future.  Again, if you love freedom and believe that couples should submit to one another.  Then, you need a man with understanding, who fears the Lord and understands leadership.  You should be able to identify the mutually-supporting qualities in such a man before you agree to marry him, otherwise, there will be trouble in the future.

These little points above are the causes of many married, but lonely people all over the place today.  People who have not discovered their life preferences and values are getting married.  They don't have a pattern yet.  Their likes and dislike can vary with times and situations.

So, people are living together, who do not know themselves.  The man cannot surprise his wife, because he does not know what she likes.  Some women think they can be careless with sensitive issues like infidelity and their husband will show understanding.  Worse still, some women think they can catch fun outside and return to the home and remain the first lady...It does not work like that.

You should tell yourself the truth, infidelity destroys marriage, whether your spouse notices it or not, whenever you decide to misbehave outside your matrimonial home, you have started digging up the foundation of your marriage and home.  Don't do that!

Admit the Problem - Perhaps you've heard people suggesting that you should travel more often or join a club of like-minded people online or within your neighbourhood.  These are not bad ideas but they are not the solution to the problem of loneliness.

It is only when you acknowledge that you are lonely, that you can take the steps necessary to escape from your isolation. Consider the causes above - Evaluate your life honestly in light of the factors mentioned. Does any of them apply to you?

Accept What Cannot Be Changed - The death of a spouse, a relocation away from old friends, and other unalterable circumstances must be faced squarely. God can use transitions in our lives to open doors to new experiences, but we must be willing to let go of the past and move on.

Learn to accommodate people: You have to identify why you are lonely and address it.  As you are doing that, you are praying for God's help.  Whenever loneliness becomes an issue, the person lonely must change his or her ways to accommodate more people into their lives.  

If you are a righteous man, it means that you are too rigid and not flexible at all.  Many people are not at your spiritual level, and it does not make them hellfire candidates.  It just means that they will have to grow up spiritually.

Change some ways: If people are running away from you, find out why?  Do you lie, deceive people or cheat them, you have to change your ways.  Are you too jovial?  You crack all manner of jokes and matured people are scared of your lifestyle and the young ones are not your equals, you have to change.

Deal with pride: Are you too classy for people around you, you will be lonely.  I have seen classy people in a lowly position and places, and for their joy and happiness, they bring themselves low to the estate of people around them in many things.  They are friendly with people around them, but no intimate relationship - that's wisdom.  Loneliness makes people unhappy.

Are you very abusive, change: Are your someone who does not know how to talk to people, if so, a lot of older people will disdain you, as being disrespectful.  So, you must be careful about what you say and how you say it. Think twice before you speak.  The moment you show more regard and respect, many of them will open their arms and embrace you.

Be friendly and kind: People who are lonely must learn how to make new friends, especially at church.  The easiest way to make a friend in the church is to find someone with your kind of calling and walk together in groups and bond together with him or her.  It should be a person of your sex only.  If male evangelist should not bond with a female evangelist unless the man is ready to marry her.  Women are emotionally sensitive and such friendship will eventually provoke love.

Alter What Can Be Changed - Many of the causes of loneliness discussed above can be overcome. Do you fear rejection because you feel inadequate? Do you stay in your home watching television when you could be at a social function? Has your best friend just moved away? Regardless of the reason for your loneliness, you owe it to yourself to take measures that will meet the problem head-on.

Develop self-esteem: Work on developing self-esteem by stopping destructive self-talk, such as telling yourself that you are unlikeable. There are many good books on the subjects or rational thinking and misbelief therapy that can help you.

Meditate on the Word: Practice looking at yourself from God's perspective. Study the Scriptures and meditate on verses that depict God's view of His children.  Make it a point to get out of the house at least once a week. Attend church activities; participate in community functions; take a class, etc

Get involved in a cause. There are many groups looking for faithful volunteers who want to make a difference. Of course, working for a ministry or charity is also a great way to meet people.  Join a group or more in the church and devote time to their programs and activities.  There is a way God rewards service that is unique.

Get a job/Volunteer: Loneliness often seems more intense when we have nothing to do. So, go out there looking for a job, full time or part-time.  Volunteer for your church, companies and local businesses who need help.  The moment you have something to do, the feeling of being lonely will only surface at night and over the weekend.

Look out for a new friend.  Be open and objective, try and overcome shyness and rejection by going with someone in your category or class, someone with your type of passion etc.  Look for someone with whom you share a common interest. 

Take the initiative and give the person a call. Chances are that person may be looking for a friend as well.  Build a friendship slowly. Don't overwhelm a new acquaintance with your problems and opinions. With time the openness to express feelings will develop. Give compliments and be thoughtful. Refrain from giving unsolicited advice. Be a good listener.

Conclusion

Loneliness can be overcome. But it's up to you to take the steps necessary to break free from its grip. Ask your Heavenly Father for the courage to reach out to others and try new things. 

The King (Jesus Christ) is coming.  We are living in the last days, so I please with you to amend your ways and prepare to meet your Maker.

If you have not received Jesus as Lord and Saviour, please do so now.  When you do so, He would give you the power to become a winner, He will be with you and give you what you desire to have, an abundant life that includes intimate and faithful friends.

FIRE...