CAUSES OF MARITAL FAILURES.......And what to do to prevent it.



Marriage is the coming together of a man and a woman to become husband and wife.  Marriage is ordained by God, who established it according to Genesis 2:24 that a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife.

And hold fast to his wife forever, loving and cherishing her all the days of her life.  The Bible talks about a good wife,  says she will do her husband good all the days of his life.

Marriage is one of the areas we receive favour from the Lord, for the bible says whosoever findeth a wife, findeth a good thing and receiveth favour from the Lord.  God ordained marriage and made a pronouncement that the man that findeth a woman that will serve the Lord with him, that will live happily with him, that will love him above her parents and every other man, such a man has found a treasure and he will be blessed by God.

When a man findeth a wife, not a beautiful girl or an intelligent woman.  Whenever a man find his better-half of a woman, there is no issue of failure or divorce.  The seed of failure or divorce is not included and it will never happen to such a man.

Failures in Marriage:

Failure in marriage, on the other hand, is one of the unexpected that happens in life.  In many cases of failure, the young people involved would have made a fundamental mistake or error that is difficult to correct while entering the marriage.

There are marriages where the partners are not compatible and cannot stay happily for weeks alone.  Marriages like that are faulty from the start.  No one should enter into marriage until they have reached the age of accountability and understands the responsibilities attached to marriage.

Although there are situations that mount pressure on people to get married when they are not ready for it, such young people should be taught the ABC of marriage before the marriage is concluded, and after the marriage, an experienced man and woman of substance should be assigned to mentor them on marriage and what to do.

Meanwhile, the under-listed kind of marriage should not be encouraged.  They are the wrong reasons for marriage:
1. Marriage due to Compassion
2. To fulfil the family commitment
3. To get out of family hardship
4. All your friends are married with children
5. You are forced by parents to make sure you marry this year.
6. You think you are getting too old.
7. Young people are not proposing you, so you agree to marry a married man
8. You are marrying him/her because of money
9. You are marrying him because he is quite and handsome
10. Because of her beauty and body shape
11. Because of his/her rich family background
12. Because she loves your mother so much
13. Because though she is older, she is very rich

These are the wrong reasons for marriage.  If you have concluded your marriage based on any of these or similar reasons, you should repent and cry to God for mercy.  Ask God to heal you and your marriage, your spouse and everything about your marriage.

Major causes of marital failure:

1. Immaturity - This is a serious issue in marriage because when a person who is not matured gets into marriage, he or she will make a lot mistakes.  Many married people behave as though they are not married at all, their dressing and speech still sound like that of a bachelor or spinster.  The responsibilities of marriage is enough to engage their attention.  

Maturity is not a matter of age, many young people are matured in the heart and are able to discern family issues clearly and give respect and honour to whom honour is due in the family.  You know them by the graceful word they speak and their chaste behaviours, as though they were taught.

2. Childlessness:  This is a serious problem that causes infidelity and divorce in Africa.  Marriage in Africa is seen first as a means of reproduction, to maintain the family name.  For that reason, Africans place much premium on having children in marriage, especially male children that will take their father's place.

When there is delay in child bearing after marriage, there is a serious problem brewing.  Christianity has helped reduce the pressure and the fact that a born again Christian cannot divorce his wife on that basis is another check on those who are impatient with newly married couples.  Delay in child is an emotional issue that is best handled with wisdom and discretion.

It causes unhappiness, quarrel and bickering in the house, which if not well managed would extend to their individual families. Let me tell you how to reverse delay in conception within months.  When a Christian notices delay in conception, she should gather all the scriptures promising fruitfulness, reward of children and child bearing.  

Study and meditate on them every day until you can memorize alot of them, then you begin to pray with the same scriptures and prophesy to your womb to receive her children as the Word of God has written.  Command every hinderance to your conception the husband or wife to be washed away by the blood of Jesus.  Command that every spiritual hinderance be washed away by the blood of Jesus also. 

Beloved, as you do this with faith, it won't be long before the Lord will give you a Rhema that will give you peace before the babies starts to coming. 

3. Control by Parents: Parents may try to control the marriage for one reason or another, especially when children is late in coming and the quarrel and fight among the couple continues.  If they fight and the man beats up his wife, the parents of the wife will then think their daughter is being maltreated and start manipulating her to do their bidding in the house.

No child of God should beat his wife or husband.  Before you attempt such foolishness, try beating yourself and know how it feels.  If you are born again, live like one, be matured to know that your spouse is part of you.

4. Intolerance: The issue of tolerance in marriage is resolved by having a better understanding of your spouse, how he/she thinks and why she thinks the way she thinks.

A woman has a peculiar way they think and reason on certain issues, which will be different from the man's thoughts.  Women are more emotional than men, they are more thorough than the men.  The women are more on the detailed side than the man, so the husband must give his wife time to talk and gist about almost everything, that way she is happy and feels she is in the right relationship.

The woman is the owner of the house and all the properties of the husband and the household entirely, so on domestic matters, family issues her opinion must be heard.  She runs the family from the food to sleeping arrangement and any friction in these areas will not make her happy.

The women should also understand the uniqueness of men.  Men want to be respected and a submissive wife will be honoured by her husband and valued above every other woman.  The couple should agree on certain financial matters in advance and keep to their agreement.  Men should bless their wives with cash always.  Again, I recommend that men give their wives CASH, CASH AND CASH...she will be happy.  Don't start buying her clothes and shoes and jewelries, allow her to buy those things by herself.

5. Infidelity: Marriage is a covenant relationship between the man his wife and God.  To be faithful to each other is one of the open vows people make in marriage and it should be kept at all times.  But, when a married man sleeps with another woman, married or not, he has become unfaithful to his wife.  

Unfaithfulness is the major reason for divorce everywhere in the world.  When a person confirms that his or her partner is cheating on them, they become jealous and bitter with the cheating partner and if he or she did not stop, the marriage may end in divorce.  Infidelity brings a person down from his position to the grass.  Infidelity destroys destiny and makes people become deliverance candidates perpetually.  It must be avoided at all cost, learn to flee from evil.

6. Financial hardship: This is another reason why many people fight and quarrel in their marriage.  If the man's income is not enough to put food on the table and the wife is probably not working, hardship is imminent in the family.  If that is your story, I prophesy that changes today.  

Say this prayer: O' Lord, have mercy on my family.  Let Your mercy make a way for me and my husband/wife, even where seem to be no way in Jesus name.

When the man and his wife are so poor that they cannot afford decent living, the trouble and difficulties may force one of them to seek financial help outside the marriage, which may lead to compromise, for the devil cannot give you anything free.  Thank God for delivering you from such reproach today, if you said the prayer above.

7. External influence: If the people in a marriage are not matured to resolve their problems within themselves, their friends and family members will try to influence them for their selfish benefits.  If the woman is in a high position in her job, her parents and siblings will be speaking to her privately asking her for financial assistance and help they do not want her husband to know about.

They will be advising her against combining her income with the husband's income for the benefits of the family.  That is the genesis of women building their own houses without letting the husband know about it. The family will put fear into them and cause them to separate the family spiritually.  This is a wicked behaviour that have destroyed many homes, all because the parents are greedy of the lady's money.

8. Unhappiness: This is very important and the bible recognizes it in I cor 7:33-34 when it says that married people seek the things of this world, how to please their husband and wives.  It is therefore ungodly for a married woman not to seek to please her husband.  It is terrible behaviour for a married man not to seek to please his wife.

Let all married people seek to please their spouses and be happy in their marriage.  That is what the bible says.

9. Incompatibility:  This is one of the first test required by the man and his wife before they get married.  Are you compatible with him or her.  Do you have certain things in common, what do both of you have in common that will provide a rallying point when there is disagreement?

Are you both born again Christians under the headship of Jesus Christ.  Or is the man a born again Christian, while the woman is in the world?  Is the woman a daughter of Zion, while the man is a rich occultic man? If the two of you are not spiritually on the same page, the marriage will not stand for long, for darkness and light cannot stay together.

10. Lack of respect:  The men love to be respected as the head of the wife and the home.  The bible also clearly states that the wive should submit to the husband in all things, while the man should love the wife as himself, just as the Lord Jesus loved us and His church.  

From experiences, men are happy when their wives respect and obey them.  When that is not the case, there will be struggle in the family and a lot of arguments.  Many marriages are destroyed by lack of respect on both sides.

11. Lack of teachable spirit: There are people who are unreachable, they find it difficult to accept correction.  They will not take advice from anyone when they make mistakes. They are always right in their eyes.  People like that are known to be proud people and many rich and ungodly people behave like that.  

If a man/woman is unteachable, and continues in their wrong ways, their behaviour attracts family members to interfere in the family.  Whenever the parents are allowed to have a 'field day' advising and controlling the couple, the marriage will hardly know peace.  Most parents are selfish and would favour their child irrespective of what they did wrong.

12. Unbelieving Friends: A born again Christian is expected to come out of the world and focus on the Lord.  Old and unbelieving friends are no longer expected to be part of your list of friends.  But when a person is born again and married, who still keeps unbelieving friends, it is those friends that will give them wrong advice that will threaten the peace of their marriage.  

Many times you will see worldly friends advising a lady to ask her husband to change her car to the latest model, or buy her a brand new car instead.  This advice is given without knowing the plans of the husband for the family.  The advice is given without knowing what priority projects the family had agreed to pursue.  When the lady request for a brand new car in the middle of their priority project, what do you think will happen...disagreement , quarrel and anger.

Child of God, discharge your worldly friends.  They are the ones that can give a woman such advice, no daughter of Zion will try to manipulate a fellow woman in her home.

What to do

Whenever the foundation of any union is not solid in Christ, there will be regrets in the years to come for both parties.  Love, spiritual compatibility, knowledge of the Word of God, salvation and faith remains the key factors a Christian should consider when choosing a spouse.

More importantly, you should engage the Holy Spirit in the selection of your spouse.  He knows all men and the future, so you should ask the Holy Spirit to help you, and He will do what you ask Him to do for you.

If you are planning to get married, the first right step for you is to give your heart to Jesus Christ.  When you receive the Lord Jesus, get baptized in the Holy Ghost.  That is the first and best credential for a good husband or wife.  Then, make the bible your friend, study the Word of God and be grounded in the Word.  The Lord give you a God fearing spouse in Jesus name!



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