Marriage is honourable as an institution established by God for the good of men. It brings unspeakable joy to the heart of men and everyone that get marriage right will be happy all their lives.

Marriage is both spiritual and physical and couples who understand the spiritual dimension of marriage enjoy it more.  The man and the woman becoming one in marriage is in the realm of the spirit.  If they both can walk together in the spirit, then it will be easy for them to agree and do things together in the physical.

The spiritual dimension of marriage begins before the actual marriage when a man decides to marry a woman and gives her a ring and she accepts, the man and sometimes the woman begins to see themselves as married, though the marriage is not consummated yet.  Seeing themselves as husband and wife is the motivation they need to break every protocol standing as an obstacle on their way.

This is why couples should love and commit to each other and maintain affection at the beginning of their union.  Because if they allow love and affection to wane, or become nonchalance towards one another, their heart begins to separate in the spirit. 

When unfaithful behaviours are discovered, there is emotional pain that could make the offended partner to withdraw spiritually from the partner for a while, in order to sort things out and know how to continue in the marriage.  This should always be avoided and I plead with you reading this piece to be faithful to your spouse.  Avoid anyone enticing you with money, gift or words to cheat on your spouse, it destroys the marriage in the spirit.

Faulty Communication
Apart from infidelity, another very important cause of marital failure is wrong and faulty communication.  Wrong or careless communication is at the root of many disagreements in marriages today.  It is wrong to ignore your spouse when he/she is talking.  

It is also terrible to refuse to answer his or her question, no matter how hard and direct it may be.  Wrong communication is to be proud to your spouse.  It is speaking the wrong words to your spouse when you are angry. It is telling your spouse that he does not deserve you.  These are evil seeds that destroy marriage silently.

On the contrary, effective communication is the ability to say what is in your mind in the way your spouse will understand, and also listen to hear and understand what he/she is saying in return,  It is to speak in love always, knowing that both of you are now one.  Effective communication is speaking with understanding to your spouse because he/she is no longer a stranger.  You are in it together and what affects you will ultimately affect him/her in a matter of days.  

Each time a partner says his/her mind and they are understood, the communication is a plus to the family.  The couple will be able to find a solution to any problem they are facing, but if they disagree, finding a common solution will be hard to get.

Marriage and couples are dynamic
The couples make each marriage distinct from others.  There are people who got married before they discovered themselves and what they want from a man or woman.  Such a person or couple will need counsel to succeed in the marriage.

On average, men and woman in marriage experience growth and maturity in different areas of life that will require understanding to resolve.  You like a slim woman is not a bad idea, but what if your slim wife becomes bulky after the second child, will you divorce her?  What if your husband discovers he is called an Evangelist and begins to carry megaphone to preach to people on the street and at Crusade grounds, Will you divorce him?

What if your wife discovers her calling is in helping people and before you realize what is happening she has established an NGO to render help to people. Will you send her away? NO!  It is for these kinds of self-discovery after marriage that couples are asked not to hide anything from each other.  

They are expected to freely speak their mind, what they are thinking and feeling to their partners, so that passionate feelings, self-discovery fantasies are addressed and resolved without disagreement.  When someone is enticing you to cheat on your spouse and sin against God, seek counsel from your spouse or your Pastor, be strong to resist the devil.

Handling Conflicts in Love:

If a couple gets into arguments all the time, it will necessary for them to identify the main causes of their disagreement.  They need to ask themselves why the argument and fight.  They should honestly look at their personal contentment.

What is Contentment?
Contentment is a critical issue in marriage.  It speaks of the couple knowing who they are, their personal and marital levels, their resources and what they can afford and not afford.  Contentment starts with the couple loving one another more than any other person, including their parents.  

You should prefer your spouse to anyone else, defend and protect their interest and shield your family from intruders, whoever they may be.  You should be satisfied with your spouse and never compare him/her with any other person, your friends or relatives.

Contentment in marriage includes the friends and other families you will agree to relate with as a family.  They should be families with moral integrity, who love and fear the Lord and live upright.  Anything less can spell doom. For the families you agree to relate with, boundaries must also be established to avoid conflict and abuse.  

Finally, on contentment, the family should develop their family plans and agree on the projects and how to execute them.  Young couples in Nigeria value living in their own houses and it becomes the family project when their income stabilizes.

Love Communication approach 

Here we are seeking to communicate better with our spouse and having a happy and peaceful home.  If you want to have a great marriage, learn how to communicate effectively with your spouse.  

Couples should have mutual respect for each other and approach discussions in love, discussing matters as they become evident and showing understanding and love.  Couples have a duty to work-out- their love relationship and this is done through effective communications.

You should know that communicating with your spouse should be as easy as drinking water.  This is because there are countless opportunities to talk with your spouse.  You can talk over dinar, in the Kitchen, while she is cooking, while driving to work, going to church, while going out on evangelism, in the room at night etc.

If you have a problem communicating to your best friend, who is living with you in the same house, then there is an emotional disconnect which should be dealt with.  It also means that love in the midst is falling apart, you should be humble to initiate reconciliation.  Reconciliation because no problem goes away on itself.  You have to resolve it, else you are stuck with it.

If your spouse is avoiding discussion with you, it shows there is a disagreement that should be resolved.  Don't start a new conversation without resolving the old and contentious one that is causing apathy.  I see a lot of men and women pushing new discussion with their spouse when the last one ended in disagreement, which has not been settled.  

Don't do so, it causes apathy.  Do not play smart with your spouse, it will not work.  Once contention is resolved, start a love communication approach with your spouse as follows:

Show love always:  
Everybody likes to be loved.  Love is an action word that is seen in what we say and do to one another.  Speak the truth, in a loving manner to your spouse.  Let your opinion be unbiased and unselfish.

Make sure he or she is in the mood to listen and understand what you are saying.  Don't wait till he/she is sleeping to discuss an important matter, it is a faulty method.  Both of you should be awake and attentive. 

Sow Respect always:  
Your spouse deserves your respect without conditions.  You respect them for who they are, their efforts and success and even failures.  If you speak to your spouse with a lot of respect, they will honour your life as well.  Don’t shout at your spouse, don't abuse or don't talk back.

Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes.  Try to understand your spouse point of view and why he or she is insisting on something.  If the discussion is about his/her family, put yourself in their shoes and be objective in your comments.

Find a convenient time to discuss any matter with your spouse.  You should've sensitive to his or her feeling and bring issues for discussion when they are happy or at ease.  Sensitive matters are discussed behind closed doors, where children and neighbours cannot ear-drop on your conversations.  Don't ever underestimate the damage you can cause when you bring up a bedroom matter and start discussing it in the parlour, except you are the only ones at home.

Marriage Communication Rules:

Here are the Marriage communication rules that will revive love in the midst of both of you and keep you happy and grateful to God for His blessing upon your life.

1. Make a personal commitment to love your spouse above everyone else

2. Decide in advance that you will never cheat your spouse - Infidelity.

3. Love the Lord and keep His words concerning marriage.

4. Submit to one another in Love

5. Forgive one another freely

6. Don't criticise your spouse parents- You are looking for trouble!

7. Don't keep secrets from each other

8. Don't mock your spouse - You are illiterate, but  I have a Master's degree

9. Don't call each other disgraceful names

10. Pray for your spouse, children and progress of the family daily.

I encourage you to cherish your spouse and keep 10 communication rules and your spouse will celebrate you. 


Everyone in marriage should value their spouse and learn how to speak to them.  Don't take your spouse for granted, or play smart with them.  Learn courtesy and appreciate your spouse and their contributions as you can’t succeed in marriage without effective communication.  

You may try different approaches, to effective communication, but make sure every disagreement is resolved before you start a new discussion.


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