6 REASONS WHY MARRIAGE IS HARD......For Modern day Christians

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I watched a television interview of two Christian women, raised by Christian parents, one of them being the daughter of a popular Pastor.  These women spoke glowingly about God, His love and salvation.

But in spite of their knowledge of the word of God, they could not maintain their marriage, to the end they are both divorced.  This is very painful to my heart because I know that God hates divorce.  Divorce devastate the children and make them have a negative impression about marriage and life in general.

Believers should know that temptation comes to all, and all who love the Lord will suffer hardship, be tempted and tested by the devil.  We should be prepared to make an extra sacrifice to keep our marriage.  I understand there could be difficult relationships, yet prayer and God's mercy can change it for better.

Sometimes, believers write books on how they overcame a difficult marriage, not through prayers and divine intervention, but through a divorce.  This is worldliness.  A Christian woman is a praying woman, a home builder and virtuous woman, should not celebrate divorce with a book.  You should rather write a book on patience and perseverance.

Here are Christian women with children, talking glowingly about God and how He cared for them, yet they could not maintain their marriages.  They are vast in the language of this world and eloquent in speech.  Every now and then you hear them talk of abuse, being mistreated and so on.  I am married for over 20 years now.  It has not been easy, but we are still together.  Marriage is not a bed of roses and it will never be.

Modern-day marital challenges

How is it that a woman will speak so well about God and the bible and yet she is divorced?  Why are women crying abuse and mistreating them each time there is divorce? and why is it hard for people to pray harder and endure the challenges of marriage.  These and other issues I am hoping to take a deep look into them, who knows whose marriage may be recovered through this message.

Marriage is a living test for every child of God.  Every aspect of the word of God is tested under a marriage arrangement and the Lord carefully apportioned responsibilities on both sides, the man and the woman.  Marriage tests your knowledge of the Word of God, your maturity as a Christian, and your willingness to obey the word you know.

If you listen to married couples talk about their marriage, you will instantly notice that many of the people are adult babies.  They are born again Christians, yet babies in the things of the spirit, they are still babies.  Some of these believers are born again, but not separated from the world.  They think like the world, talk like the world, dress like the world and even compare themselves with worldly people.  This is an error, grow up child of God!

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Home Builders

If you are born again and married, know that you are in a godly arrangement called marriage.  God has prescribed your duties to Him and your spouse, locate these scriptures and obey and practise them.  A marriage succeeds with obedience to God's word.  Marriage is not convenient many times, but when you remember that you are a child of God and you have to obey the ordinances of marriage established by God.  

The Lord calls the woman, the Home Builder.  The house is her own and she has 75% or more influence on what happens in the family.  The women are in charge of homes, whether the husband is President or Governor, she controls him at home.  This arrangement is divine. 

She takes care of her husband and the children, and God says to submit to your husband in all things and the husband should love the wife and be ready to die for her.  This is the key the devil is using to ignite rebellion in some women to destroy their homes - Submission.

The women should know the devil hates them so much. The devil would prefer that no woman is married and under a godly marriage. his plans for the women is to turn them to seducers, adulterers and fornicators.  The devil would prefer to have women become prostitutes instead of married women.  So, the women must resist the temptations of satan to divorce their spouse.

For the man, the Lord says prefer their wives more than themselves.  Entreat her, love her more than you love yourself, more than you love your mother.  The Lord dropped a warning to the man to be careful how he treats the wife of his youth so that his prayers are not hindered.  

The man's role is important as the father and provider of material things, and in training the children, but the woman builds the home.  So, it painful when women do not recognize the unique position they hold in marriage, instead they go into activism and fighting for their right.  Which rights are they fighting and how are they fighting for these rights.  They are not fighting for the rights on their knees, but physically through arguments, reporting to family members, parents etc.

As I meditated on this serious matter, I believe the Lord put some words in my heart, which I have listed and discussed below.

Some of the reasons include:
1. Rebellion
2. Worldliness
3. Death of Love
3. Taking the Word of God for granted
5. Knowledge of letters, lack of  Spirit
6. Lack of spiritual growth


Rebellion is opposition to authority.   The rebellion I am talking about here is to disregard the word of God concerning marriage.  Rebellion is a sin, as deadly as the sin of witchcraft.  When a believer ignores the word of God on any issue, it is obvious the purpose of God on that matter will be frustrated.

In the home, God’s chain of authority is that the husband is to be the head of the family. The husband’s responsibility is to lead his family in submitting to Christ (Ephesians 5:23). The wife is to submit to her husband, and children are to obey their parents (Ephesians 5:22; 6:1; Colossians 3:18, 20). Rebellion against God's order at home will lead to chaos and a break down within the home.

Unfortunately, we have a hidden lawyer inside of us that urges us to stand up for our rights.  This spirit of rebellion tells you to fight when someone is not respecting your rights, so you see modern-day women claiming rights and talking of abuse in the home.  It is the spirit of rebellion that grips the woman to resist to submit to her husband in all things as the bible instructs.  

She thinks in her heart, in what way is he better than me?  That is rebellion.  When the woman refuses to submit, the children will also rebel against their parents and the house will be in confusion.  Rebellion is the hand of Satan in a marriage, that seeks to bring it down.

Giving up rebellion will get you out of trouble.  God will be happy and your husband will be happy also.  But you should be prepared because when you start submitting, your flesh isn’t going to like it! Many times, rebellion is linked with pride of beauty, intelligence or achievement.  But watch this, as God withdrew the Kingship from Saul and his family forever, that is how God withholds the blessings from the rebellious woman.  If He blesses disobedience, it will lead to more disobedience.

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Worldliness is an attitude, love and obsession towards the systems of the world.  Anything in the world you love so much and spend time doing has arrested you and made you worldly.  Whether it is a car, TV or phone.  To the simple, the world and many things in it are attractive. 

For instance, to dress, make-up and stand out like other women is attractive to women.  To watch TV and enjoy sports are attractive to men.  But to be so obsessed by any of them, to drink and get drunk, to skipping church to watch sports is worldliness.  Paul equates worldliness with spiritual immaturity in 1 Corinthians 3:1-3. Christian who still get bitter, angry and fight are worldly.  When a Christian says, "when I get angry, I could fight", you know he is still worldly.

Worldliness makes a believer confess Christ as Lord but lacks the power of God inside of him or her.  It makes studying and meditating on the word of God very hard, hence spiritual growth and maturity becomes zero.  

In James 4:4, Apostle James calls Christians and church members “adulterers and adulteresses” because of their friendship with the world, adding that the one who will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.  In 1 John 2:15,  John commands Christians not to love the world. Meaning  “Stop loving the world.” because  “if any man loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.”

Characters of worldliness in Marriage
1. A worldly Christian will pray less, meditate less on the word, and become infrequent in his attendance to church services. 

2. A worldly Christian will show a preference for worldly ceremonies and occasions and make elaborate preparations to attend. 

3. A worldly Christian can even borrow money to buy clothes for an occasion that will not have any spiritual impact on him or her.

4. A worldly Christian will hardly find a Christian friend because they will be boring to him or her.  The word of God often spoken and confessed by believers disgust them.  They love gossips and playing hide and seek.

5. A worldly Christian will spend hours watching TV, computer games, playing sports, and hanging out with unbelieving friends, but little time in devotion to God. They are so consumed by Whatsapp, Facebook and the entire social media that there is no time left for prayers and meditation on the word.

6. If you still enjoy the company of worldly friends and their stories, you will need to examine your heart again.

This is a major reason why marriages are breaking.  The love for God, which is our first love is a marriage sealant.  It seals your marriage with love.  There is no man or woman, who love the Lord, that will hate the husband or wife.  You cannot love God and find it difficult to forgive your spouse.

You cannot love the Lord and not fear Him.  That fear of God is the beginning of godly wisdom, it will be difficult for you to obey Godly order as it is in marriage.  If you don't love and fear the Lord, you are still in the world, and therefore you will be unforgiving, vindictive and unforgiving.  You will always wait for an opportunity to take revenge, even on your own spouse, which the bible says both of you are now ONE.

If you love your spouse, you will pray for him or her daily and as often as you pray for yourself.  You will forgive offences easily, will not abuse or refuse his or her request.  You will know that you are both not perfect, so your hope and trust is in God.

If you love and fear the Lord, your marriage becomes a ministry.  Your service to God starts from your home.  You love your spouse and children unconditionally, observe and obey the word of God concerning marriage and show your family who God truly is through your behaviours.  If all these are in place, where will you find a space to mention divorce? NONE!


It is obvious that many Christian keep growing in their career and profession, but pay no attention to their spiritual growth.  This is dangerous in the world of today.  Growth in the things of God is achieved through:
1. Knowing the Word of God and God deeply
2. Obeying the word of God
3. Living the word.  Living a changed life of an Ambassador of Christ
4. Serving God in word and action

When you talk about spiritual growth in marriage, you are talking about a Christian that is not ignorant of the devices of Satan for the marriage.  A Christian who knows the enemy will desire to scatter his or her home and decides personally to obey the word of God and apply them in his or her marriage.

A matured Christian in marriage will invest time and resources to grow the love life between the couple and make sure it grows.  Love will stand and grow in marriage when the man loves his wife above himself and his mother, and when the woman submits to her husband.  Love in marriage will grow when there is mutual respect between the couple.  

You are not taking each other for granted, there is no secret sin or information hidden anywhere.  Love will grow in marriage when you study and know the like and dislikes of your spouse and respect them.  All the basic courtesy and respects of a husband and wife must be given to them so that the couples are individually happy and have trust.

A spiritually grown Christian knows there is no place for adultery and fornication in marriage, he does not need preaching to order himself/herself aright.  A matured Christian in marriage would have prayerfully overcome anger, unforgiveness, vindictiveness and abuse.  You cannot be a spiritually grown man, and you still fight with your wife or even abuse her physically and emotionally, NO!  You cannot fight the man/woman you are praying for every day, it's not possible.

When a man or woman grows in the spirit, he knows the value of his wife or husband.  The treasure they represent and be prepared to play their individual roles, including protecting them, and everything that concerns them that is right.  But, if you are still following your old friends tonight parties, dress like under sixteen, when you have a husband and four children, you are still a baby!


Many people in marriage take the Word of God for granted, probably because God is merciful and patient.  This is why you see believers compromising their faith for reward, without knowing that the consequences will surely come.

Instead of praying and fasting for a problem to be removed, many Christian will jump to demonic alternatives, yet they are still Christians.  Many Christians in high positions in the church still use charms and amulets for protection and business, as though God has no powers that can protect them.  

Some of the troubles of life come to test our faith in God.  Apostle Peter did not believe he can deny Christ.  He even swore he would never deny Him, but when the test came, he denied Christ.  Overconfidence in oneself can lead to a fall, and the safest way to go is to obey the Word and do what the bible says we should do.

In marriage, some women still discuss their marriage with their parents, looking for affirmation.  Others discuss their husband with their friends, what the man is doing and what he is not doing, exposing their marriage to the devil to wage war on it.

Some people are married, yet the pictures and contact of their former lovers are still with them.  They spend hours talking and chatting with them.  Why?  God says we should love everyone.  If you are doing this, know that you are taking the word for granted and tempting the devil.  You are destroying your marriage slowly, stop it.


This is a very dangerous trend.  We have believers who can talk, demonstrate the word of God, but find it difficult to walk in it.  They know how to claim their rights, fight for their rights and fight abuse and mistreatment, but don't know how to submit to divine authority.  They don't know how to persevere when things are difficult and allow God to have His way in their lives.

They are lawyers and advocates but have no morals to teach their children.  They are angry, bitter and encouraging people to take steps that God hates, yet they are speaking the word of God.  All their speakings lacks the love that perfects all things, and so they are confused.

Every Christian should carefully consider the words we speak and actions we take, how it affects other people around, for the bible says that to profess Christ in words alone without corresponding faith walk is a waste of time.  It is in vain to confess the Lord and lack the power He gives, which is the power that sets us free from sin and worldliness.  Paul equates worldliness with spiritual immaturity in 1 Corinthians 3:1-3. Christian who still get bitter, angry and fight are worldly.  When a Christian says, "when I get angry, I can fight", you know he is still worldly.

In 2 Cor 3:6, Apostle Paul says "He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant- — not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life".  'Letter' kills, but the Spirit giveth life.


Marriage is a divine arrangement to make man fulfil his destiny on earth.  For both men and women, marriage is a ministry and where you begin the service of God.  Apart from God, the next thing in life is family, not you and not your neighbour.

God has put Hos Order for a successful marriage, which we are to submit to and walk-in throughout our lives together.  He also assigned responsibilities to each person in marriage, that we should not ignore.  Instead, we should depend on Him to direct our speech and actions, so that our marriages and homes will be happy, whether we are rich or comfortable.

Christians in marriage should be delivered from worldliness, and we should desire and in fact, grow in the spirit in order to fulfil our covenant obligations and live a fulfilled life.

Thank you for visiting Fireinthebone.


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