HOLINESS IN MARRIAGE.........Is practically possible: Fireinthebone


In looking at holiness in marriage, let me start by saying that God has called us to be holy as He is, without holiness, we cannot see Him in glory, so holiness should and must eventually be our lifestyle.  So, in considering holiness as it relates to marriage, I hope and pray that the virtues that make us holy in marriage will eventually be duplicated in every aspect of our life, that it becomes our lifestyle.

Considering that the kingdom of God is not in words, nor in food and drink, but it is in righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Ghost, we must recognize the importance of having the Spirit of God lives in us and guiding us.  It is God that will make us holy and the instrument for our holiness in the Holy Spirit living inside of us.  

When the Spirit begins to work in our lives, we begin to see holiness differently.  It will no longer be the outward manifestation of certain characteristics and attributes like reading the Bible; going to church; devotional and consistency in church activities, the fervency of prayer; witnessing etc.  All these things are indicators of religious faithfulness.  

The Lord has provided us with His Holy Spirit to help us become more like Him. Becoming holy is not a matter of self-transformation. It is a matter of looking to God in repentance and faith and becoming like Him.  A holy person anywhere is a person that is manifesting the fruit of the Spirit, despite challenges of life.  He is ever smiling, gentle and supportive.  

Importance of Holiness
Holiness is important in any relationship leading to marriage, and after the marriage.  During courtship, holiness is necessary to keep the two people away from pre-marital affairs.  Courtship is important before marriage, so the two people can study each other and agree among themselves they can live together happily.  

Imagine that you refuse to observe holiness when you are trying to determine whether you are compatible with a person for marriage, you will not be different from the world.  And if you cannot relate to the brother or sister with the fear of God, not defiling yourself or the other person, then you are not born again. 

Imagine also, that a person is telling lies to the spouse, though he or she is born again, will there be trust built in such a relationship?  It will be hard to build trust and the other partner may be discouraged about serving God or being honest himself or herself.  That means Christian values of honesty, faith, love, fear of God will no longer reign in such a marriage, God forbid!

Holiness is practically living the life of God Himself. Is God loving? Then we reflect holiness in the love we show to others. Is God pure? Then we reflect holiness in the purity of our lives. Is God patient? Then we reflect holiness by our patience with others.

Holiness in marriage is living your personal and married life according to the Word of God.  You are aware of what God says about loving others and you are living your life that way.  You are aware of what God expects from you, with respect to your children and upholding the entire family together, and you are living accordingly.  

The husband and his wife have a responsibility towards every member of their household.  We are going to look at the Lord's teaching on the different aspects of family life, and how God expects us to relate in the household.  In the case of Abraham, we saw that a family household comprised of:
1. The Husband
2. The wife
3. Their children
4. Domestic staff/House helps etc
5. Other people under your roof.

The Similitude  of a Believer
We can see that marriage is one platform to show forth the kind of a Believer we are, faithful or unfaithful.  A believer that fears the Lord and obey His words or not.  Marriage is where love is practised in a way that no other platform allows.  

Starting from the Lord of the Lord, that allows His word to guide the couple, the love life they live and the choices they make, how they can forebear one another, sacrifice for one another, how they can accommodate one another in marriage, as well as the trust existing between them.  Without purity and honest living, a trust will be hard to build, and when such trust is lacking, there will be a problem in the marriage.

In Mathew 5:13-48, 70% of what Jesus Christ thought in that scripture relates to marriage.  They include:
1. Similitudes of Believers
2. Committing Adultery
3. Divorce and re-marry
4. Making vows
5. Retaliation
6. Love

It is in marriage you will show if you are the salt of the earth and if your saltiness is still with you. whether you are the Light of the world, that your husband or wife, as well as your children,  should look up to for leadership, advice, encouragement and even motivation to follow Christ.  In marriage, your family, neighbour, friends and colleagues are watching to see your light shine through your works of faith, love and care.  If your light shines to them, and in their lives, they will continually glorify God for giving them a person like you as a father, mother and grandmother.

Everything good or bad in a person begins at home, and then shine forth to the world.  If you are the salt that makes meals sweet, your family will experience your qualities first before others.  More importantly, the Lord expects you to reproduce your godly qualities in your children. 

Love is practised 
For a Christian marriage to succeed, you should love your spouse as yourself.  You can dispute loving your neighbours are yourself, but if you refuse to love your spouse as yourself, you cannot also manifest AGAPE love towards him or her.  

When you look at your behaviour towards your spouse, do you see the fruits of the Holy Spirit: “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control” mentioned in Galatians 5:22-23a showing forth?  A holy husband or wife has a duty to encourage and motivate the spouse to progress spiritually through his/her attitudes at home. 

It always amazes me, how some people can be devils in the house and Saints outside.  I have seen it happen several times.  A woman who does not greet her husband at home, bowing down to greet her Pastor in the church. She is very active in the Church group activities, speaks to people kindly and gently so that many people love her and praise her as a great woman of God.  But, at home, she is too big to serve her husband food.  She is tired whenever she gets home, and if the husband is hungry, he knows where the food is.  The same 'great woman of God'.

The pride is because she earns more pay than the husband or the husband's business is going through hard times, and she is contributing more to the upkeep of the home. Some men do it also. They are hard and disciplined at home, but in the office, they are keeping a mistress, their secretary or even subordinate and spending his money on her.  Nobody knows him as a born again Christian in his office because of his lifestyle, yet at home, he is a Saint.  Such should never be named among believers in Christ. 

Adultery is forbidden - Matt 5:27-37
"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.'   28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right-hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell. 

That was how our Saviour explained the sin of adultery, to bring the spiritual implication of our actions.  The Lord says that meditating on evil is as good as committing the evil in the realm of the spirit.  If you imagine that a lady that has five boyfriends is marrying five husbands in the spirit, then you will be careful of things you think and the actions you take.  

Jesus is saying that if you will be holy in marriage, keep your eyes from evil, desire not to see evil pictures because if you meditate on those pictures, it could lead to the sin of the heart.  Do not commit adultery, to be joined with a stranger after marriage destroys your faith in Christ.  It can also lead to a lot of unpleasant consequences like a marital break-up, sickness and untimely death.

Divorce is not allowed, except for unfaithfulness - Math 5:31-32

"It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.'   32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.  For the men who cannot bear it, unfaithfulness is the only ground for divorcing a wife.  This is when the husband cannot forgive her, otherwise, the Lord say FORGIVE!

Women should remember that no secret can remain covered for long, it will soon be revealed, and once revealed, the marriage can hardly be the same again.  Mistrust will torment the family after that incident, and if the marriage did not break, the crack will be obvious.

Keep your oath -  Math 5:33-37

Your word should be your bond in your relationship with your spouse.  He or she is already part of you.  When you pray for him/her, you are praying for yourself.  So, you cannot afford to lie to him/her, don't you understand.  Jesus says in the scriptures:  "Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not break your oath, but keep the oaths you have made to the Lord.' But I tell you, Do not swear at all: either by heaven, for it is God's throne;  or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King.  And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. 

In marriage, the couple are before the Lord, so you cannot make a vow before the Lord and get home to deny it, either by word or by action.  Your vow to love and care your spouse is before the Lord.  That vow includes preferring your spouse over all persons, to love him or her only.

We see ignorant young people making blood covenants among themselves and bonding themselves, in an attempt to live faithfully to each other.  Many times, these covenants are made without any clause that exempts the innocent partner, so that when the devil tempts them, the whole family can be destroyed.  Avoid blood covenant among yourselves.  Pray to God to keep you and your spouse faithful.  Pray with faith in your heart and God will answer you.  

A Witness
As a man, my mother gave me one advice on my wedding day.  She says to me "Remember always that a woman is a woman".  This simple advice could be simple, but certainly very deep.  My mother was saying to me,  pay attention to your wife's feeling and what she needs.  Though she may be a Reverend Sister, a Pastor or a Bishop, she is still a woman.  

It could also be interpreted to means that, though your wife is born again, what excite other women will excite her, except she is sanctified and her soul delivered from worldliness.  If she is not sanctified, then most of the things exciting unbelieving women, like Cars, new and trending dresses, Brazilian hair, Jewelries and handbags and wait for this - "Cover it up" make-up kit, that covers-up pimples and wrinkles on the face will also excite her.  

This is why wise men of God pray for their wives to be sanctified, and delivered from worldliness, otherwise, the sharp disagreement and conflict in the home will continue.  Do you know that middle-aged couples still argue over dresses?  The husband will say "Honey, don't dress like that and the wife will reply NO!, I am still young".  It is worldliness, her soul is still in the world.  Sisters, married women, get sanctified and your walk with the Lord will be smooth and easy.

I want to appeal to you, the reader to be holy in all manner of conversation and in all relationship.  Remember that charity begins at home.  The home front is the best place to start holy living and then spread it to everywhere you go.  Remember also, that Christ is coming soon.  Let holiness be your lifestyle and the Lord will support you.



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