BEAUTY OF GODLY MARRIAGE.....Couple are before the Lord!

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The Beauty of a godly Marriage

Introduction

Everyone wants to be happy in marriage and happy marriage helps people to live long. Happiness in marriage comes from the trust existing between the husband and his wife. It also comes from the blessings of God upon the marriage and the ultimate source of happiness in marriage is found when you discover that you are married to the man or woman God has ordained for you.  There is something like that.

That person will be so compatible and true with you, love and care for you as himself...I did not say as he cares for his mother, NO!.  He will take care of you, care for you as he takes care of himself.  He will honour and respect you as himself so much that both of you will be almost inseparable. Your closeness is not semantics, or an eyes service to impress the public or people around you, NO!. 

The only problem with very close couples is that if care is not taken, they may begin to idolize themselves.  What do you make of a woman who will not come to church if her husband is not going to church?  She will not attend the mid-week because the husband would not be back from work by the time the church service begins.  There was a particular case of a couple that became used to each other, that they decided to die the same day on the same bed.  That's fantastic, but did they die in Christ?

Godly Beginning
In marriage and in life, there will be choices to make that require wisdom and personal conviction because, after marriage, you cannot take family decisions alone.  Godly couples will commit their ways unto the Lord from the very beginning and prayerfully continue in Him.  They are kept together by the love of God.  They consider themselves as being before the Lord and are accountable to Him for their actions.  Above all other considerations, they are determined to please God in their marriage and in life, so they allow the Holy Ghost to have His way in their lives.

Every marriage has ups and downs, but those meant for themselves are usually too connected and bonded that money, friends, relations and even children cannot come between. Why do they stick together for long?  Why is there no fight breaking out among them, that their Pastor or relatives will have to come to settle?  The answer to these questions is that they have individually made a vow to the Lord, to honour the Lord in their lives and marriage.

Godly beginning means that everything is done in love and fear of God.  The man does not undermine his wife in any way, because God is not happy with that.  God created marriage as a vehicle to populate the world, and at the same time raise godly children, who will serve the Lord.  God also knows the devil will try to distort the purpose of marriage, but God was determined to have us created, so we can fellowship with Him.  If Adam and Even were the only people that God wanted on earth, there would probably be no forbidden fruit in the garden.

Principal questions in Marriage
People in marriage and those planning to get married should reflect on these questions:

1. What is the purpose of marriage?
2. Why did the bible say God hates Divorce?
3. What is your responsibility in the marriage?
4. What happens when betrayal occurs, when you're let down?
5. Why should we pray and fight to sustain our marriages?

Anyone who can find answers for these questions is ready for marriage because as you will find out, marriage originated from God who created Adam and Eve and joined them together to become one.  I believe God created marriage for the good of man and for fellowship between Him and man, and the fellowship started almost immediately in the garden of Eden.  

Make your marriage compliant by the following:

For a marriage to be godly, it has to comply with the precepts of marriage written in the bible. For instance, the husbandman must leave his parents and unite with his wife in a new and separate home and in a different house.  I will run through a lot of those conditions the bible prescribed for a godly and happy home.

1. The woman must be officially married

Mary was betrothed to Joseph before the angel appeared unto her.  She was already married to Joseph, her husband, but Joseph was yet to establish his own house for the marriage to commence, hence Mary remained with her parents. Cohabitation is not marriage, it is adultery, so the man should endeavour to marry the woman officially from her parents and pay whatever their culture requires that is not ungodly, and thereafter take his wife to a new home.  Until you have married a woman according to her parent's culture and give the token required as a Bride price, you have not married her at all.

A church wedding is important, but it will amount to nothing without first marrying the woman from her parents.  Going on vacation, honeymoon and all that will amount to nothing without the consensus agreement of the woman's parents and the payment of the bride price.  But, once this first requirement has been met, let the man leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife.

2. Establish your New family in a different house.

“A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).

This is the wisdom of God communicated to us that will help the man be independent of his parents after marriage. The man has to move out of his father's house and establish a new home with his wife.  I know some people will say, what if the man does not have enough money to rent an apartment? The answer is simple.  If he has money to pay the bride price and get the woman married out of her parents, he should look for money and possibly receive help from his wife to enable him to rent even the smallest of an apartment like a room self-contained. This is the second most important condition for a godly marriage.

3. Practice love and make it a lifestyle

“Above all things have fervent love for one another, for ‘love will cover a multitude of sins’ ” (1 Peter 4:8). 

“Her husband … praises her” (Proverbs 31:28). “She who is married cares … how she may please her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:34). “Be kindly affectionate to one another … in honour giving preference to one another” (Romans 12:10).

The couple should move their love from the courtship level to the Agape level, since they are for themselves now, and they have a new home to build together.  They should be open to each other, without hiding anything.  They should speak the truth every time to each other and thereby build trust and confidence they are in it together.

They should learn how to be led by the Spirit of God at all times and in love handle every disagreement.  Godly couple handle disagreements with care, and in love with an understanding heart. It is also an occasion for self-examination as to what could have caused the breakdown in communication?  

4. Put your marriage under Christ

This really is the greatest principle, because it’s the one that enables all the others. The vital ingredient of happiness in the home is not in diplomacy, strategy, or our effort to overcome problems, but rather in a union with Christ. Hearts filled with Christ’s love will not be far apart for long. With Christ in the home, marriage has a greater chance of being successful. Jesus can wash away bitterness and disappointment and restore love and happiness.

As Christians, applying biblical principles and living by the Word of God is what will make the difference, it will give us a stronger foundation than those of unbelievers.  It will keep the couple united under Christ and happier. Marriage under Christ removes a lot of selfish behaviours that couples experience.  The moment the couple sees themselves as under Christ, their attitude towards one another changes for better, their relationship changes as well.  They will stop comparing their marriage with those of their friends or relatives.

Consider the following scriptures and allow Christ to reign in your home:
1,  “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labour in vain who build it” (Psalm 127:1). 
2. “In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths” (Proverbs 3:6). 
3. “And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:7).

5. Guard your heart diligently.
“As he thinks in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7).  “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life” (Proverbs 4:23). “Whatever things are true … noble … just … pure … lovely … of good report … meditate on these things” (Philippians 4:8).

You must guide your heart and thought to make sure it does not stray into evil imaginations and desires.  To this extent, a man or woman must consider the things you want to look at from time to time because what you see always will soon begin to appeal to you.  Guide your ears and be careful with the information and stories you hear.  What kind of music are you listening to? Stories and pictures about sex will arouse any person and should be avoided.  Avoid naked pictures also, for such fill your heart with filth and lust that could become a stronghold to pull down.

6. Handle disagreement in love
One of the good things about the godly home is the way and manner the husband and his wife handle issues.  We all know that disagreements will surely come, but how it is resolved matters.  Children of God handle the issue in love, with understanding and a willing heart to forgive. Whenever issues come up, you should remember you are before the Lord and so take the matter to God.  Ask yourself what did the bible says about this matter, look for the answer in the bible, share it with your wife and that should settle it.  This must be done in all humility and love. 

The devil will tempt you with thoughts like, “Maybe this marriage is a mistake,” “She doesn’t understand me,” “We are not compatible and so we hardly agree,” “I’ll go home to mother,” etc.  Thoughts like these are dangerous to the marriage, because the devil that is sowing those evil seeds, will soon come to rehearse them again and again in your lonely times.  You must cast all such thoughts away at once, otherwise, they will soon begin to affect your actions towards your spouse. Avoid seeing, saying, reading, or hearing anything that is not godly, honourable and of good report.

Family matters should never be discussed with others outside the home—not even parents. Parents have a way to take sides with their children and see nothing wrong with what they say or do.  If you complain to your inlaws, about your wife, you will be disappointed with the outcome. There are a few godly parents, who will rebuke their children for wrongdoing in their homes.  Solve your private home problems privately.

7. Never go to bed angry.
This is the doorway to bitterness, so make it a point of duty to settle or resolve every disagreement before going to bed.  If possible, let one person apologize to the other and speak kind words, so the issue is resolved.  Even if your spouse is not willing to hear you, you still have to speak your mind in faith and leave the rest to God and you can be sure the  Lord will do the rest.  

The bible says:
1. “Do not let the sun go down on your wrath” (Ephesians 4:26). 

2.“Confess your trespasses to one another” (James 5:16). 

3. “Forgetting those things which are behind” (Philippians 3:13). 

4. “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).

When you have to apologize to allow peace to return, you are obeying the scriptures and God is happy with that kind of behaviour.  Never go to bed angry with your spouse, it is dangerous.  The devil will tell you it does not matter, after he has gone to bed already, or he has decided to sleep in the guest room, leave him...NO! A little problem can become big before day-break, settle it before bed.  Be humble enough to forgive and to say, “I’m sorry.” After all, no one is perfect, and you are both on the same team, so be gracious enough to admit a mistake when you make it.

8. No Assumptions, communicate more
Don’t take one another for granted, keep the communication open, truthful and transparent.  Do not undermine your spouse and say he/she will understand.  Don't say she knows I am a Pastor.  These are the little things that bring frustration and bitterness in the marriage. Keep your love for one another growing by expressing it to each other. Love and happiness are dispensed happily to others, so spend as much time as possible doing things together. Study the word together, do your devotions together and as much as possible relax and eat together regularly.  This eating together is important for bonding even after 25 years of marriage.  Be Christians in marriage and let Christ reign in your hearts.

Whenever there is an issue of concern, the first step is not to blame the other person, but to look inwards in your own direction.  If you are a born again husband and suddenly your wife begins to speak in harsh tones about your mother, definitely there is a problem.  What to do is inquire why she is feeling so bad about her. Is it because of something she did or say? or are you the husband giving your mother more attention than her? or does she feel her own mother is being neglected by you etc? You have to find out!

If there are no issues, your equally born again wife will not just go out of her way to speak wrong words about your mother.  It might be about your friends or a particular friend, a business partner.  Your duty is to find out, don't undermine her feelings and think it does not matter.

9. Be faithful, one to another.

“You shall not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14). 

“The heart of her husband safely trusts her. … She does him good and not evil all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:11, 12). 

“The Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously” (Malachi 2:14). 

Adultery will always hurt you and everyone else in your family. God, who knows our mind, body, and feelings, said, “You shall not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14). Adultery breaks trust and when the trust that took years to build is destroyed, it may never be rebuilt.  Nothing destroys marriage as infidelity, reject it, run from it, it leads to an untimely death.

10. Criticism and nagging destroy love.

“Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them” (Colossians 3:19). 

“Better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman” (Proverbs 21:19). 

“A continual dripping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike” (Proverbs 27:15). 

“Why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3). 

“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself” (1 Corinthians 13:4).

Stop criticizing, nagging, and finding fault in your spouse. Never compare her to your Secretary or your PA or any other woman, she might lack much, but criticism won’t help. Expecting perfection will bring bitterness to you and your spouse. Overlook faults and look for good things. Don’t try to reform, control, or compel your spouse, you are digging the grave of the marriage, instead, pray for him/her. Only God can change people. Try to be happy and then make your spouse happy with a sense of humour and a firm commitment to the success of your marriage.

11. Do not become Lazy - (Hebrews 6:12).

Laziness is not allowed. It is a destroyer and it will harm your marriage.

Financial planning and budgeting should be adopted and have the husband and wife prioritize their projects in accordance with their income and other requirements.  God does not support the wastage of resources as it leads to poverty.

FIRE...