There is hope for a lasting marriage!
Introduction
Having been in the marriage for over 15 years, there are some truths about marriage I think the youths should know. I may not be able to describe worldly marriage very well, but those interested in a Christian marriage can be sure to take something home from this write-up.
Marriage deals with many aspects of life and I will like to write briefly on the influence of Love, Trust, Joy, and perseverance in marriage. Marriage is by choice and I believe every marriage should bear children, but the number of children can be agreed between the couple.
Christian marriage is different from orthodox marriage, meaning the marriage, based on our culture and world standards. Marriage was established for companionship and procreation by God. Companionship is very important for unity and harmony. The bible says "Two is better than one" and this is true when the husband and wife live in unity.
Christian marriage is different from orthodox marriage, meaning the marriage, based on our culture and world standards. Marriage was established for companionship and procreation by God. Companionship is very important for unity and harmony. The bible says "Two is better than one" and this is true when the husband and wife live in unity.
If the husband and wife can stand together, speak with one voice and act in concert, it will be difficult for even the devil to break into their midst. Any marriage that leaves the couples in much pain, separated in the spirit, though they are living together is not meeting the primary purpose of marriage.
Christian marriage requires preparation
Marriage requires preparation, so the person getting into marriage should be prepared to marry and live according to the word of God. Christian marriage is a marriage where Jesus is the head of the home, the husband is the head of the wife and the Word of God is the family moral and lifestyle standards. Christian marriage requires the couple to love themselves and be willing to respect and honour each other.
The husband is the head of the home does not mean he should lord over the wife, but in love, he should love her and honour her and many times prefer his wife above himself. I am glad to say that many men do this, especially when there is strong love existing between them.
God expects men to love their wives sacrificially. Her needs and concerns are supposed to become his focus. This means accepting her, forgiving her, protecting her, and considering her interests as more important than his. When a husband loves his wife sacrificially, he creates a physical illustration of Christ’s love for believers. Therefore, ladies, observe whether the man you date behaves in this way. Does he know what is important to you? Does he sacrifice his interests for yours? Is he willing to lose things for your sake?
God did not permit that intending couples should live together before marriage. The Word of God did not also permit intending couples to start sexual intimacy before marriage. This means that when a man or woman is ready for marriage, he/she should ask the other person important and personal questions that will assure that the person you are hoping to marry is the right person. You should be able to find out from him/her the number of children they would love to have, Life ambition and goals, and hobby.
Are you both ready
This is technical, ask him/her how sexually active they are. You may not like this question, but many couples are separated today because their spouse cannot satisfy them in bed. unsaved people who have not developed their spiritual life and put control around their taste and appetite seem to have high sexual levels, while matured believers can control their body and regulate their desire for almost anything from food to sex.
You should also establish beyond doubt that the person is ready for marriage.
Each person involved in the marriage should ask questions that are important and not assume things are alright. A guy who loves to eat quality homemade food should ask the lady whether she can cook and what soup or dish is her favourite. When a person is ready for marriage, his or her actions will show it. He/she will start making provisions, saving money, and buying things that the family will need.
Are you both born again?
This question pertains to the most important aspect of your relationship—the spiritual. If both of you are not born again, you cannot expect agape love and fear of God. If Christ is not your primary Source of love, then you will try to manipulate love from one another. Your human love is like eating chocolate—it may taste good, but it cannot satisfy you. Your heart needs more than romantic affection to survive; it needs unconditional love, which can only be found in Jesus Christ.
You may be born again, but is your partner born again? Part of evidence he/she is born again is that she loves the Lord and obey His Word. If she is not born again, there is a problem, that she may not be willing to live according to the Word of God and so, submitting herself to the husband will be an issue. The same thing with guys. If they are not born again, there are chances they will not obey the word of God concerning marriage.
A born again Christian that agrees to marry an unbeliever may really not be born again. Because an unsaved person is still in darkness and can do anything for money and pleasure and cannot handle the discipline and diligence of a saved brother or sister. Unbelievers have no moral restriction limiting their actions and so, they can do just anything for pleasure, while a child of God is not so.
Check for kingdom commitment
A born again sister or brother would normally be in a group in his/her local church, know the Word and obey them. He or she should be praying always, but these basics are not visible, you should probe deeper.
He/she would commit in his fellowship and be a lover of righteousness and be a person that fears the Lord. These are few safeguards that a prospective Christian should be sure of before agreeing to marry anyone. If you value a long-lasting and happy union, you should do your own part of the bargain.
Ask relevant Questions, No assumptions
If you are satisfied with responses from the above inquiries, then you are ready for marriage. You are not going to sleep with him or her before the marriage, so make sure you ask relevant questions that will help you have joy in the home. There should be no assumptions. Don't assume he would treat you the way your father treats your mother, rather ask him whether he would do certain things which you see your father do to your mummy.
Don't assume he will allow you to wear Trousers because your father allows your other to wear trousers. Don't assume she would ask you to become a full housewife because he has money, don't assume he would ask you to join him in the business because your father and mother are doing your father's business together.
Don't assume that because he has money, he would allow you to travel to different countries on vacation. Don't assume that because his business is going well, he would buy you a jeep immediately after marriage. Don't also assume you will be able to change him after marriage. Maybe there are some of his behaviour you don't like drinking, smoking, and clubbing.
Establish that both of you are in love
Establish you love a person to the point of living with such a person all the days of your life. If you cannot submit to that man in all things, then your love for him is not to the point of marriage. If he is unstable and unpredictable in your thinking and you cannot trust him to do the right things all the time, then you have to consider another person for marriage and not him. A man you cannot respect is not your husband, whether he is poor or rich.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hope, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a).
Agape Love
This puts a whole new perspective on the meaning of the words, “I love you”!! Consider for a moment what this type of love looks like. “Honey, I love you. What I mean is I will be patient and kind with you. I do not envy you, I do not boast in front of you, I am not proud before you. I am not rude to you, I seek your good and not my own, I am not easily angered by you, and I keep no record of your wrongs.” Wow! If only we could love like this all the time!
The natural man was not born with this kind of love, it comes by His grace, when the man has been renewed in his spirit is and has become a new person, created after the image of Christ. Unsaved people cannot manifest this kind of love also. That is why it is hard to find Agape love among married people.
One of the primary characteristics of godly love, however, is that it is focused more upon others than upon ourselves. Did you notice verse 5 above? It says that love “is not self-seeking.” Indeed, Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this: that he lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). Of course, this is exactly the type of love that Jesus showed to us! And this is the type of love that we need to show to our spouses as well. Love is one of the fruits of the Spirit and except we receive and rely on the Holy Spirit, it would be difficult to manifest Agape love - Galatians 5:22.
Love builds trust and intimacy
Love builds trust among the couple and deepens their trust for each other. Intimacy is the result of love and trust in working together. Intimacy comes naturally when you have known and trusted a person when you have also proven that person in different areas of life. It is a feeling of "No danger or no risk in sharing just anything with someone.
Infidelity, lies, or broken promises can severely damage the trust between husband and wife, but openness and truth are the backbones of trust. Women are said to be the “weaker sex” in marriage but no one looks at the pressure they have to endure in trying to make their marriages work. Many times they are the more emotional partners in marriage and so the men, especially godly men should not lie to their spouses and such will shake their emotion and confidence.
Every God-fearing man respects the wife and her opinion because the two of them are one in the Spirit. So each time the wife brings up an issue of concern on any matter, the man should listen and take appropriate actions to resolve the complaint. This is why both of you should be born again.
Decisions before you say Yes
The good news in choosing a life partner is that you are not alone in this, as a Christian. You have Jesus Christ dwelling within you. He offers His divine wisdom in every situation so that you don’t have to rely upon your emotions or finite wisdom.
God wants the best for you. He gave you the mind of Christ so you can perceive life from His perspective. Jesus can work through your heart and mind to direct you toward a good relationship and dissuade you from a bad one. However, you can only discern His counsel when you are willing to listen and yield to Him.
He wants you to give your heart to someone on the basis of character and passionate sacrificial love, not on some romantic freaks or sensual looks that often deceive the world. To help you assess if your relationship contains these elements, consider the following eight questions before you get engaged.
Are You Both Married to Jesus Christ?
This question pertains to the most important aspect of your relationship—the spiritual. If you or your date does not know Jesus as the Primary Source of love, then you will try to manipulate love from one another. Depending upon performance-based human love is like eating chocolate—it may taste good, but it cannot satisfy you. Your heart needs more than romantic affection to survive; it needs unconditional love, which can only be found in Jesus Christ. Thus, it is best to marry someone who understands that he or she is married to Jesus and realizes the importance of depending upon Him for fulfilment.
Can You Resolve Conflict Together?
How intimate are you both? What is the level of trust existing between both of you? Can you resolve conflicts without inviting a third party? Some couples pleasantly coast through dating, get married, and then receive a shock when their first round of conflict hits. Conflict is an unavoidable part of life, and it can destroy a couple who hasn’t learned how to properly resolve it.
Have You Both concluded Your past?
Have you both concluded the issues of your past - Past relationships, indebtedness, disagreements? Please do not downplay relational baggage—it has the power to destroy your relationship. Sometimes, these complex, negative issues require years to resolve. Do not expect that marriage will make them disappear.
Let me bring this message home with an illustration of what relational baggage means. You heard the Sister you want to marry was engaged with another man in the past, whom she promised to marry, but later she broke the engagement. You should investigate what happened and make sure that the relationship was successfully closed before you marry her. Do not assume it was closed, confirm both families are aware of the closure and happy. Marrying someone who is free of baggage is worth the extra months or years of waiting.
Do You Have the Support of your parents?
You need the support and approval of your parents to consummate a marital relationship. Where there is disagreement, do all you can to allay the fears of your parents, by first verifying what complaints they have and prove to them with evidence that your guy is not who they think he is.
I encourage you to seek the support of family and friends before you decide, no matter how nice they guy may be to you, no matter what good he has done for you and plans to do going forward, let other people examine his ways and give you feedback. These people are your closest groups - friends and relatives. They know you well, they can offer helpful insight on the guy, since they are independent, they can observe him without any bias and identify problem areas that you have overlooked.
Parents and friends are not always right, but you should consider their legitimate opinions. They may have years of marriage experience to back up their concerns, and ignoring them would be foolish.
Leadership in marriage - Scriptures
For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her (Ephesians 5:23-25).
God made leadership a simple arrangement. Men and women complicate the issue when they refuse to submit to Jesus Christ. For instance, a wife sins if she disregards her husband’s leadership because he doesn’t make her happy enough. A husband also sins when he ignores the wife complaints about anything, remember that two wrongs do not make a right.
God’s definition of a leader is not simply a “decision-maker.” A real leader sacrifices his desires for the benefit of his wife. God says that the man’s job is to love his wife just as Christ loved the church. How did Christ express love for the church? He sacrificed His life so that He could have intimacy with us.
Are you thrilled by each other?
Are you passionate enough to sacrifice yourselves for each other, knowing full well that both of you are imperfect? In other words, are you so spiritually, sexually, mentally, and emotionally attracted to each other that you also accept one another’s ugly, weak, and selfish faults?
Guys, do you feel just as interested in your girlfriend when she removes her makeup? Are you willing to drop your pride and cherish her during her mood swings? Are you willing to go out of your way to make sure she feels appreciated? Do you love her enough to seek her best interests even if that means denying your wishes or the best wishes of your mother?
Are you ready to love Sacrificially?
Ladies, are you more concerned with delighting your boyfriend than making yourself happy? Are you willing to love him even if he neglects or offends you? Do you adore him so much that you are prepared to follow him wherever God leads?
Marriage involves loving someone even if he or she disappoints, irritates, or ignores you. If you do not think that your boyfriend or girlfriend has any flaws, I encourage you to date longer. No one is perfect, and you set yourself up for relational failure if you expect marriage to be smooth and easy. Jesus knew the awful reality of your sin, but He felt such passion that He still chose to marry you. You make this kind of commitment when you choose to marry someone.
God wants Christ’s pure passion to sustain your relationship. One day, the romance will fade, and you will feel bored with each other. How will you stay committed? Your spiritual marriage to Christ will supply the strength you need when times are hard. Jesus knows that you cannot maintain intimacy with someone because your ability to love is limited. Yet His devotion to the person you marry never wanes, so He can uphold your relationship by living His passion through you.
Winning attitudes in marriage - Choose to be happy and joyful
God wants the best for you. He gave you the mind of Christ so you can perceive life from His perspective. Jesus can work through your heart and mind to direct you toward a good relationship and dissuade you from a bad one. However, you can only discern His counsel when you are willing to listen and yield to Him.
He wants you to give your heart to someone on the basis of character and passionate sacrificial love, not on some romantic freaks or sensual looks that often deceive the world. To help you assess if your relationship contains these elements, consider the following eight questions before you get engaged.
Are You Both Married to Jesus Christ?
This question pertains to the most important aspect of your relationship—the spiritual. If you or your date does not know Jesus as the Primary Source of love, then you will try to manipulate love from one another. Depending upon performance-based human love is like eating chocolate—it may taste good, but it cannot satisfy you. Your heart needs more than romantic affection to survive; it needs unconditional love, which can only be found in Jesus Christ. Thus, it is best to marry someone who understands that he or she is married to Jesus and realizes the importance of depending upon Him for fulfilment.
Can You Resolve Conflict Together?
How intimate are you both? What is the level of trust existing between both of you? Can you resolve conflicts without inviting a third party? Some couples pleasantly coast through dating, get married, and then receive a shock when their first round of conflict hits. Conflict is an unavoidable part of life, and it can destroy a couple who hasn’t learned how to properly resolve it.
Have You Both concluded Your past?
Have you both concluded the issues of your past - Past relationships, indebtedness, disagreements? Please do not downplay relational baggage—it has the power to destroy your relationship. Sometimes, these complex, negative issues require years to resolve. Do not expect that marriage will make them disappear.
Let me bring this message home with an illustration of what relational baggage means. You heard the Sister you want to marry was engaged with another man in the past, whom she promised to marry, but later she broke the engagement. You should investigate what happened and make sure that the relationship was successfully closed before you marry her. Do not assume it was closed, confirm both families are aware of the closure and happy. Marrying someone who is free of baggage is worth the extra months or years of waiting.
Do You Have the Support of your parents?
You need the support and approval of your parents to consummate a marital relationship. Where there is disagreement, do all you can to allay the fears of your parents, by first verifying what complaints they have and prove to them with evidence that your guy is not who they think he is.
I encourage you to seek the support of family and friends before you decide, no matter how nice they guy may be to you, no matter what good he has done for you and plans to do going forward, let other people examine his ways and give you feedback. These people are your closest groups - friends and relatives. They know you well, they can offer helpful insight on the guy, since they are independent, they can observe him without any bias and identify problem areas that you have overlooked.
Parents and friends are not always right, but you should consider their legitimate opinions. They may have years of marriage experience to back up their concerns, and ignoring them would be foolish.
Leadership in marriage - Scriptures
For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her (Ephesians 5:23-25).
God made leadership a simple arrangement. Men and women complicate the issue when they refuse to submit to Jesus Christ. For instance, a wife sins if she disregards her husband’s leadership because he doesn’t make her happy enough. A husband also sins when he ignores the wife complaints about anything, remember that two wrongs do not make a right.
God’s definition of a leader is not simply a “decision-maker.” A real leader sacrifices his desires for the benefit of his wife. God says that the man’s job is to love his wife just as Christ loved the church. How did Christ express love for the church? He sacrificed His life so that He could have intimacy with us.
Are you thrilled by each other?
Are you passionate enough to sacrifice yourselves for each other, knowing full well that both of you are imperfect? In other words, are you so spiritually, sexually, mentally, and emotionally attracted to each other that you also accept one another’s ugly, weak, and selfish faults?
Guys, do you feel just as interested in your girlfriend when she removes her makeup? Are you willing to drop your pride and cherish her during her mood swings? Are you willing to go out of your way to make sure she feels appreciated? Do you love her enough to seek her best interests even if that means denying your wishes or the best wishes of your mother?
Are you ready to love Sacrificially?
Ladies, are you more concerned with delighting your boyfriend than making yourself happy? Are you willing to love him even if he neglects or offends you? Do you adore him so much that you are prepared to follow him wherever God leads?
Marriage involves loving someone even if he or she disappoints, irritates, or ignores you. If you do not think that your boyfriend or girlfriend has any flaws, I encourage you to date longer. No one is perfect, and you set yourself up for relational failure if you expect marriage to be smooth and easy. Jesus knew the awful reality of your sin, but He felt such passion that He still chose to marry you. You make this kind of commitment when you choose to marry someone.
God wants Christ’s pure passion to sustain your relationship. One day, the romance will fade, and you will feel bored with each other. How will you stay committed? Your spiritual marriage to Christ will supply the strength you need when times are hard. Jesus knows that you cannot maintain intimacy with someone because your ability to love is limited. Yet His devotion to the person you marry never wanes, so He can uphold your relationship by living His passion through you.
Winning attitudes in marriage - Choose to be happy and joyful
When you love a person, you accept him/her as he is and apply joy to every situation you may face. This joy is by choice and so, you choose to appreciate everything God makes available to you both with thanksgiving.
Joy isn’t momentary. It can’t be bought. It isn’t about how much money I make, the kind of home I live in, the kind of car I drive, or the brand of clothes I wear. It isn’t about achieving some ideal weight, having a wrinkle-free face, or receiving the praise and accolades of the world.
This joy is flowing from a heart of gratitude to the Almighty God for His kindness. You value and appreciate your husband/wife for every little and big thing they achieve, that kind of joy is available to me, and it’s available to you.
Conclusion
Let me encourage you to take time every day in God’s presence, praying and asking Him to help you locate that man or woman ordained for you. You cannot afford to make a mistake in your choice of a spouse. It could be so devastating to marry another man's wife.
FIRE...
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