GOOD REASONS .....Christians remain in Difficult marriages!


1. When they see marriage as partnering with God
2. When marriage is more than your interest alone
3. When divorce is not an option - God hates divorce

The science of worldly relationships is guided by the interdependence theory, while that of born again Christians is guarded by the Word of God.  This is a fundamental truth that young people going into marriage should understand and embrace.  

Unbelievers know they are free to divorce and get out of an unpleasant marriage at any time.  But for the born again Christian, it is not so, because God hates divorce.  Even if you love each other, it takes faith and patience to build a lasting relationship.  

For many people, marriage is a fulfilling experience, while others are struggling to come to terms with marriage realities like personal discipline, restrictions etc.  Some women believe their husband does not show enough understanding of their feelings and wonder how long they will have to put up with such.

The answer is straight...It is you that will change your mindset, and know that you cannot change anyone, only God changes people.  Your duty is to love, respect and care for your spouse.  If you will fulfil your part of the marriage covenant, pray for him/her and the glory of God will appear in your marriage.

Purpose of message

There are many reasons why people endure in difficult marriages.  First, when there is a problem, it is important to establish what happened, and why the change of behaviour.  When the reason is determined, you have to examine yourself and be honest whether you can humanly continue in the marriage or nor.  You also have to consider what the bible says about the situation you are facing.

God says Love should lead, and love without forgiveness is not complete. You will have to consider your children and what will become of them and their future, should the couple separate.  Children of God are never selfish to ignore the effect of divorce on their children.  One of the parties could ignore, but the other person will not.  The purpose of this message is to show how faith in God, love and prayer can sustain a marriage until God's mercy reconciles the couple.

Marriage realities:
Many marriages will normally start peaceful and cordial until the enemy push one of the partners into error.  Many times, it could be their past that will bring strange baggage and trouble will start.

Civilization and education have empowered women to demand equal rights with their husband, which is not what God established.  Women were humble in the past, but today, they confront their husbands, claiming equal rights, as the realities of the End-times dawns on all of us.

In the midst of all these is terrible corruption and pollution in the society, that has consumed a lot of people, so that their input at home is spiritually distorted and empty.  How can you have a Christian home, without the obedience and application of the Word of God? 

The Eunuchs and compatibility
In the past, it was easy for Eunuchs to be known and employed by the Kings to look after the women, but today, we don't know the eunuchs. Eunuchs from birth have no ability, nor interest in marriage, hence these men were useful in Kings Palaces administering women and maidservants.

There is a compatibility issue in marriages today, because people who should not get married, are getting married.  There is the case of a woman, who remained a virgin two years after marriage because the husband will not go close to her, or touch her hands.  The woman is torn apart, and the man does not understand what she is saying. Mathew 19 talks about Eunuchs from birth.

Another reality of marriages today is that women are no longer mere housewives, they work, farm and earn income as much as the husband.  In many cases, some women earn more money than their husbands.  In addition, economic dislocation and activities of witches and wizards have meant that many men are out of job, while their wives are working and providing for the family.  This problem is the toughest blow to family structure today, as many of the women suddenly want to be the head of the home, a move that God did not approve.

Christian marriage

A born again Christian woman is a precious lady to her husband and children, when she knows her purpose in life, in marriage and in Christ.  Marriage is a BIG ISSUE. For two people from different background to live together in love, peace and harmony, a lot of compromises would have to be allowed. 

We are not perfect, neither are we all-knowing, so mistakes will surely happen. So, many times, we have Christians, who do not know the Word of God getting married for the wrong reasons.  But, whatever the reasons for the marriage, once married, believers are expected to commit their marriage to God and live like Christians indeed.  Whatever issues that crop up should be settled in love, with a humble and forgiving spirit.

It is true that things are tough, good men and women are hard to find, but to marry an unbeliever is to sow an evil seed for the future.  I make this statement with a lot of caution because I know that many people deceive others that they are born again, when they are not.  

Some of the guys in the Church today are already in many occultic groups because of their desperate desire to get rich quick.  In the same vein, many of the sweet-looking girls, ladies that dress to draw attention to their bodies are not born again, though they are in the church.  Some of them are witches that attend night meetings.  God expects us to know the spiritual status of the man or woman we are proposing to marry.

You can now see the reason why many people marry wrong spouses.  It is either they were carnal about it, they did not pray inquiry prayers to know if the person is born again or not or they were deceived by the devil.  In their youthful ignorance, they thought Love was the only ingredient for a successful marriage.  

Some guy thought that to have a fat bank account and a good job was the ultimate, but after three to five years in marriage, they know better.  They will know that as believers, godly character, Fear of God, obedience to the word of God are some of the very important keys to a successful Christian marriage.

Misery in Christian Marriage

What are those things that make Christians miserable in marriage:
1. Deception
2. Pride
3. Unforgiveness
4. Lack of fear of God
5. Lack of tolerance
6. Character disorder
7. Broken expectation
8. Wicked and unrepentant families and their interference

Deception - If people get into marriage with a wrong motive, that a disaster waiting to happen.  If you marry a man because he told you he works with Mobil Producing, when in reality, he is only a casual worker in Mobil, there will be trouble the day you discover his true status, by which time it's late.  In many cases of deception, a proper investigation was not made, instead, assumption was the order.  

Pride - Pride is one of the instruments the devil use to destroy families because of the spirit of stubbornness.  A proud person believes he/she is right all the time.  She is the one that is cheated, she is the one they are laughing at.  She is the one that nobody loves, and nobody understands their feeling.

Such couples become aggressive between themselves and each person is right in his own calculation and nobody wants to take responsibility for their actions and the wall of difference continues to widen.  A common element of these disagreements is that the couple will then constantly blame each other for the misery in their marriage, instead of initiating moves to resolve issues and move on.

Unforgiveness - Unforgiveness is a destructive spirit that makes you feel you are righteous and the other person is the devil around, who cannot control his/her emotions and often falls into temptation and error.  Unforgiveness is strengthened by the feeling of bitterness and betrayal.  

Unforgiveness separates two people apart, though they are living together.  It does its work slowly.  It’s almost like mould behind a wall, you may not notice it this day or the next day, but eventually, you will experience its harmful effects.

If a disagreement cannot be easily resolved between husband and wife, children from such homes, who experience arguments and fight often will hardly enjoy their home.  If that becomes the order of the day, such children will grow up thinking it's not worth it to marry.  If we preach forgiveness and we are not willing to forgive offences, then the Holy Spirit is not in us.

Broken Expectations - A simple way to improve your marriage is to change your expectations. Better yet, drop some of them. Some people thought  marriage will destroy their loneliness, which is wrong.  Some women who are hyperactive believes the moment they get married, they will be fully satisfied in the upper room, only to discover they married a man that is not moved by anything romantic.  

These are the expectations that destroy marriage.  Christians are encouraged to relate with their spouse to develop appropriate response to these expectations, which will make both of them happy.  There is no 'ready-made' man or woman for you.  Both of you will have to fashion things out, in a way to make your marriage worth while.

Reasons to Remain in Marriage

There are many reasons why couples, who are dissatisfied with their relationship will yet remain committed to it. The best of marriages have rough times, challenges, career changes, childbirth stress and pressure that could affect the closeness of the couple for sometimes.  And yet they remain committed to the relationship, determined to weather the storm because of their love for their children, and because of what their relatives would say as well as what the bible says, that God hates divorce.  

Some of those reasons include:
1. When you see marriage as partnering with God
2. You see marriage as part of your 'Calling' from God
3. When marriage is more than your interest alone
4. You know you will render accounts of how you managed it
5. Divorce is not an option - God hates divorce
6. Love of Christ - It builds and not destroy, forgives and forebears

Partnering with God
Christians who see their role in marriage as partnering with to raise godly children and by extension, a godly society carefully develop the skills and selflessness needed to address the hard issues in their relationship. These marriages are a result of honest work and sacrificial love and are filled with transparency, humility, and honesty. They, indeed, have a depth of maturity that serves as a positive model. These couples see themselves as being before the Lord and answerable for their actions in marriage.  These are the Christian models that hold their hands in the church to celebrate their union, while others kick their spouses for all kind of reasons.

Divorce is not an Option
There are people in marriage, who believes the Word of God and the covenants of marriage.  When they find themselves in a difficult marriage.  They will try their best, change their behaviour, attitudes and everything that offends their spouse, and if there is still no solution, they just resign to loving their spouse and praying for the marriage.  

They will not divorce, neither will they sign to divorce because God hates it.  However, in such a difficult marriage, the believing Christian will need to be wise and operate in divine wisdom and intelligence. They must believe in prayer and God's intervention in their marriage.  If you persist in prayer and faith, over time, there will be a divine visitation to put a smile on your face.

Love of Christ
You can live in an imperfect or difficult marriage and flourish with love in your heart. If you have the seed of love, planted in your heart, you will not want to destroy what God has given you.  What will you tell God?, what will you say to your children...that you could not forgive your husband, or endure difficult moments?. Love forgives and forebears, and where there is love, there is faith and hope.  

The reality is that some spouses never change, if the devil has planted his son or daughter around you, to pull you down, the situation may never change or change with time.  These are the marriages that don't get better. While you can't ever give up hope, you don't want to keep banging your head into a brick wall trying to fix something that won't be fixed. There is a time when you should accept that the wall is there and that you don't have a way to tear it down. 

The easiest way to fix is to ask God to convert the unbelieving spouse, but God cannot force anyone to believe Him.  So, you have to pray and continue praying until intervention comes from God.  This is when to say 'never quit, never give up, don't stop praying and searching for a way to turn your marriage around. Miracles happen, people change, and, besides, you don't know what God has planned for your marriage. God may be using the tough times to teach you something you are lacking in following Him, like patience, trust and perseverance.  

Marriage is more than you - Consider the children
Commitment in Christian marriage is simply based on your faith in God, your love for your children and believe in marriage ordinance.  Remember that the children God gave you to nurture and bring up are going to suffer greatly when you divorce or separate.

Marriage is a calling
Relationship satisfaction leads unbelievers to commitment, but that's not the same with Christian marriage.  You are committed because you see your role in marriage as one of fulfilling your purpose in life.  To raise godly children that fears and loves the Lord.  If you see your role in marriage as part of your calling in life - to raise godly children and society, you will commit to making your marriage work. 

What to do
Some un-informed people have little respect for what marriage represent because according to them, they can have children without getting married to anyone.  This is not so for Christians, and that is why divorce is not an option. 

Going forward, I recommend the following steps:
1. Take your marriage to the Cross
2. Kill pride and bitterness
3. Be humble, accept your faults

Take your marriage to the Cross
My appeal to believers who are facing challenges in marriage is simply...Take yourself and your marriage to the Cross of Calvary.  When you die at the cross, pride will die, bitterness, anger, forgiveness, lust and worldly desires that threaten marriages and peace at home will die with you.

How can a child of God live with the wife at home for six months without talking to the wife? Where did you see that in the bible?  Where is your heart of flesh to forgive, where is your heart of flesh to forebear and to tolerate your wife?

You should know that the moment your marriage is reduced to a marriage of earthly wisdom, it cannot stand.  The moment Jesus Christ is not recognized and celebrated in your marriage, you are invariably celebrating the devil and the end of such marriage will not last long. Do not live in malice with your spouse and say you are a child of God. The time is short and now is the time to make amends.

Kill Pride and Bitterness

Pride is often at the root of the problems of marriage divorce. Pride causes divorce papers to be filed, pride justifies affairs, pride causes total and complete chaos.  Unfortunately, pride leads to loneliness.  Which is typically the biggest fear of a proud person.

Be humble, accept your faults

Try a little Humility - Humility is absolutely key to healing a broken relationship.  Humility in this context is consenting to the opinion of your partner for the sake of peace.  It can also be called compromise, in the sense that you are willing to allow the other person's opinion.


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