LOVE, TRUST............And other Essentials for Happy Marriage!

Image result for couples entering their new home

1. Will you be the small things?
2. keep your promises and be trusted?
3. What about infidelity?

Love is awesome, but when used in marriage, the meaning becomes deeper than the ordinary love that people brandish and throw at each other every other day.  Can you imagine that people will throw love greeting on their Facebook page to everyone that sees the post that she loves them?  Is that the love we are talking about...NO!

I am talking about the love that compels you to listen when you did not want to listen to anyone.  The love that compels you to embark on a journey you did not plan, buy things you never thought about or budgeted for.  I am talking about love that is sacrificial, kind and gentle. I am talking about love where the interest of your spouse is more important than yours.  I know a man who drives a good car but had to buy a Highlander Jeep for the wife, because that the car she loves to much.

Characteristics of Love
One thing that makes love unique is the sacrificial nature of love.  Every love will be tested to find out if it even existed or not. Time and circumstances test love in marriage and where the couples are not ready to sacrifice for each other, then there is no love.

Another defining nature of true love among couple is the forgiveness part of love.  If you cannot forebear and you cannot forgive your partner, the love is not deep.  There could still be love, but when you cannot forgive, it means you don't think he/she deserve a second chance, you don't think it's worth it after all.

It is said that when you are in love, it is hard to believe your spouse could be wrong.  It is also difficult for you to see anything other than perfection in your spouse. You are convinced you will make each other happy every single day of your lives, in fact some people when they get so captivated in love will hardly wait for the marital rites to be completed before they start living together, albeit in a wrong and unbelieving manner.

True lovers enjoy each others company and fellowship and every free time is spent with your loved ones either on phone in physical meetings.  For some women, just being around their husband and discussing issues small and big, is enough to make their day.  So, you believe that you are a perfect match for each other.

You believe that you both will be open and honest in the way you will handle issues at home.  As born again Christians, there will be nothing too hard for both of you to overcome, in a frank and honest atmosphere.  No matter, how emotional will make go to bed angry any day, let alone sleep on the couch when your spouse occupies the bed alone.  

Surely, your relationship is strong and your commitment towards each other unwavering. There are no hidden secrets...and nothing will ever be hidden from each other for life.  Friends, that is pure 'intoxication' of love.  Your eyes will soon clear to see things the way they are!.

Reality and Trial after marriage
You forget that the two of you came from entirely different family backgrounds.  Both of you have different experiences of life and certainly may have slightly different views about life, love and marriage.  You forgot that your parents, your sweet mum that prayed for you to get married could show-up in your house and tear it apart with one wrong statement and generally, you have also forgotten that love, no matter how sweet will face trial with time.  

It must undergo a trial of authenticity, faith and eternity.  If you don't believe me, ask Abraham, Isaac and even Jacob.  Abraham waited for 25 years to have his promised child, even though he was following God and living right.  God called him the father of many nations, yet there was no child to be called his own and the frustration got to the point when the wife volunteered her maid to Abraham...peradventure God had forgotten His friend Abraham.  Sarah decided to help God and we know the result of helping God today - Trouble!

Check out Isaac, he also waited for 20 years to have his twin boys and Jacob, the chosen one had to serve Laban for 14 years to marry his choice of wife.  It was love that made Jacob serve an additional seven years, just to have Rachel as a wife. And see the path of the righteous, Jacob served Laban for many years living together with Laban's family and children and never slept with any of the daughters of Laban until their father gave them out to him in marriage.

This write-up is primarily to examine other important factors that make marriage thick and long-lasting apart from the primary one - LOVE.

What are those variables other than Love
So, when two people want to tie the knot, it is believed that they have discovered themselves and examined and re-examined themselves to conclude they love each other enough to want to spend the rest of their lives together - "till death do them part.".  But is it only Love that is required for a marriage to be successful?.  Is it just love and nothing else... or are there other variables that could help the union to bond closer by the day.

Are other things like money, family relationship and bonding etc that make couples happy in marriage.  The in-laws and how to strike a happy cord with them can determine how long a new marriage may last.  Your new home is a new family of itself, but it is never so until your own children begin to arrive and the extended family would then begin to reduce their demands on the new couple to allow them to attend to the needs of their children.

In the days of ignorance, marriages survived without love. During our grandparents' time, marriages were arranged and they did not see their spouses until the wedding day itself. Some learnt to love them as time passed whilst others did not. Nevertheless, the marriage endured. As long as man and wife fulfilled their basic responsibilities to their family and children, the marriage was considered to be "working."

Scriptures above recognize Love, Respect, faith in God, Holiness
From the scriptures above, you can easily pick out Love, Christ - the spiritual head of the home, respect and holiness as the recurring decimals that make a Christian marriage strong.  

If I add money, it is because reality is stronger than theory.  Theologians will not accept the concept of money in marriage as being very important and fundamental because they are still living in the past, but we know the influence of money to the living standards of everyone.  This is because, everyone buys from the same market and so the money in your account determines what you can afford and what you will have to forbear. 

The bible says money answereth all things and without money, a man or woman is unstable and very vulnerable.  The point I am trying to make is that without a stable roof over one's head and clothes on one's back , which money makes available, there will be little time for love. So, love is important but, equally important, is money. So love, respect, holiness and money may make a successful marriage.

Society recognizes Money and being soulmates
As society is now more affluent and has changed, feelings are considered important. To many people now, love is extremely important in a marriage as it is love that will bring them through good and bad times and will bind the family as one. 

The warmth and care, the concern and affection that genuine love generates can no longer be taken for granted.  Also, men and women are demanding the attention that is due to them in marriage from their spouses.  When you spend too long time on the phone with your colleague at home, you are looking for trouble and it shows your heart is drifting to that person at the expense of your spouse.  Believe you me, that spouse will demand an explanation from you.

But, when the children enter the home, love takes a new dimension as the love expressed between the two people will show their children the strength of love and illustrate how love makes the family stick together. Children will then learn the importance of love as seen in their parents' relationship so that if the parents are having the best of times, the children begin early to desire to get married to a caring spouse as their parents.  

So, when a couple gets dishonest in marriage, they are not only killing their own union, they are also indirectly dealing a negative blow on the marriages of their children and that why we have crisis in marriage and so much divorce today.

The Important small things
But come to think of it, it is not just infidelity that matter or breaks the homes, there are other issues like 'Trust'.  Trust is one thing that should never be destroyed in a marriage, it is the hardest of all. This isn't only about infidelity, but the small matters – broken promises, bad intentions, frustrated hopes.' that people have to manage in their relationships at home and when people do not have patience or think of eternity in Christ, they just simply throw in the towel and move on in life.

Among the things to consider in today's world that make marriage sweet and pleasurable, people say is money. They say. Financial stability is the foundation of a strong marriage.  Unbelievers believe there are many material things that money and wealth can give, which love itself cannot give. 

For believers in Christ, what I am saying is that LOVE is first and paramount, but in addition, the couple should work hard to feed themselves and take care of the children.  We don't look for money from the blues or in millions to display and join the movers and shakers of the places where we live...NO!.  We look for money to make the family comfortable and still be faithful to our calling as sons and daughters of Christ.

Christ is First
Jesus is first for believers in marriage, Love comes second and other things follow.  If a believer refuses to seek God first, he may seek money and transfer his love into that process that money and how to get money becomes another god for him, which is a disaster.

Financial stability
Financial stability cannot be given top priority before love in Christian marriage because money can develop wings and fly away, if that happens, what will happen to the family of God?  This is what makes unbelievers commit suicide, when the business and fat bank account disappears after a disaster or similar incident, but is is not so for children of God.  

When it comes to money and life, the children would have to learn basic money management at home, including the importance of not trusting in money and wealth instead of God.  When you are blessed with the good things of life, you must continue to tell your children that what they are enjoying comes from God.  

Wisdom and Understanding
The idea, wisdom and energy to execute it and the power to obtain favour and wealth, all come from the Lord.  Your children must not transfer the love for God to money.  That means that in all your pursuit, you have time for the things of God and you are active in doing them as it is your source.  When you go out to evangelize, you are doing it as though you are a full-time evangelist, as though your life depends on it.

The real ESSENTIALS that make Love thick in marriage

Beloved, making money must not become our primary objective in life as children of God, though we need money to live a better life, we must pursue the quest for money with the race for eternity, with pleasing God and doing His will.  

Happiness in marriage does not result from having huge bank accounts only, there are other things that make your spouse love and prefer you to his/her parents. 

I may not be able to discuss how unbelievers are hurting themselves in marriage because of selfishness and love for money.  So many of them are married but at the same time lonely because of selfishness and forgiveness.  So many people are hard and they carry their strong individuality into marriage without any changes at all, that marriage will have a problem.  Couples come together to face reality and make necessary changes that will usher them into love relationship of trust.

Practice selfless Love

In conclusion, willingness to share, communication between the couple should be a way of life.  These things require practice, goodwill, determination and a considerable amount of faith to make it a lifestyle.  If you can communicate effectively with your spouse, there will be no bitterness in the home.  For instance, you are going to work one hour late in the office, text or call your husband or wife to inform him or her - That good communication and respect. inborn talent.

Another matter to take seriously is Respect.  The bible mentioned this severally as honour your husband, honour your wife.  Respect compliment and strengthens love.  People will always respect someone they love.  You do not keep disrespecting someone and at the same time say you love that person.  Love and respect go together.  Respect nourishes love and causes it to overflow its traditional bounds.

Make sure you are trustworthy, fore Trust once destroyed may be difficult to rebuild.  Breaking trust is like pulling down a multi-storey structure.  Once pulled down, it does not exist.  You will have to erect a new structure in that property, otherwise, there is nothing standing there.  That is how bad it is to destroy trust, built for years. 

Many hard believers will tell you that the day their spouse goes outside to sleep with another person, their marriage is done.  If you have ever made a statement like this, please pray and cancel it, because the devil heard you and he will do everything possible to manipulate your spouse to sleep that you will dissolve the marriage and he will be happy.  Breaking marriages is one of Satan most important agenda against man.  Don't allow him break your marriage.

You have to believe in your spouse and trust him/her, even though you have no guarantee you won't be let down.  And if you are deceived or let down, trust again, and then again. You must keep doing this as long as you have breadth, at least for heaven sake.  If you value heaven and eternity in Christ more than the present times, you must forgive, forbear and trust, even when you are cheated upon. Vengeance is mine, says the Lord!


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