MARRIAGE.......make sure you're in love,Are you in Love, Appearance is deceitful!

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Sisters, engage the Holy Spirit in choosing partner!

• Appearance, charisma is not enough when it comes to marriage, and note that all that glitters is not gold. There is a place for Faith, Value, Integrity and Love.
• You cannot cope with everyone, but there is someone you can live happily with, riches or no riches. 
• Make sure you are compatible with the guy in key areas like - faith, love for God, Number of children desired, respect for parents etc!

Ladies, establish love before seeking marriage

Marriage can be a great experience when you marry the right person. Marriage has remain a great experience for the few that get it right by the help of God.  Make no mistakes, in this deceitful world, anyone that gets marriage right is highly blessed.

How do you know that the handsome man asking for your hand in marriage is really single?  I mean single indeed and not single with three children from two women?  How do you know if he is health inside as he is radiating in the outside? 

Sisters, how would you know that that lovely looking brother will be committed to you and the marriage according to the vows of marriage?  The heart of men is desperately wicked, who can find out.  How will you meet the right man for you and where.  

The answer is very simple.....Make the Holy Ghost your friend, He is a person that you can love and relate to everyday...and He will guide your steps and warn you, when you are deviating or entering a wrong place.  He will reveal the truth of the moment and the secrets to come to you in advance.  What you do not know or even imagine, He will reveal to you, so that you will not cry later.

Young people willing to get married should please wait on the Lord regularly and love the Holy Spirit.  He is the God on earth today, the Spirit of Christ and the Commander in Chief of God operations on earth...Please love the Holy Ghost and your life will be sweeter.

Love is the icings of the cake in every relationship and in life. Everyone is looking for love, but love is very elusive because it cannot be bought with money, it cannot be manufactured and supplied to people seeking it and so, it cannot be controlled. Love is very costly and as such scarce.

Love is transparent: Love requires that you reveal your true self to another person without any fears as to whether he would accept and love you are you are. We all want to be loved and appreciated, but without revealing yourself to the other person, love will be hard to establish. This is why a famous author C.S Lewis said that "To love at all is to be vulnerable” Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken, if you want to make sure it is intact, you must give it to no one"?

Love is sacrificial - meaning that love requires a lot of sacrifices to succeed and where there is love without sacrifice, such love can be easily frustrated.

Love is never hidden. It could be a complex issue, but whenever you fall in love, you will know.  However, you do not know whether the other person is in love with you.  This is why when a lady finds love, over night, she will close every other relationship and focus on the man that has shown her love and care that she cannot deny.

Love comes in different packages; some people in love do quickly want to move the relation to the next level, whether it is the man or the lady.  This is why it appears sometimes that ladies push their lover too hard for marriage.  The reason is that they are in love.  So there is a frequency that comes with love. If the lady is ready and prepared, the marriage can be consummated within months.

A matured sister looking  to get married should do the following:

1. Do a self assessment of yourself and your relationship experiences and decide on areas of your lifestyle that need amendment, aspects of your behaviour that must be laid to rest, the ones that need improvement.  Decide on the areas of life you should seek knowledge to improve yourself generally.

2.  Marriage is a journey of commitments and so you should consider what you're bringing to the table that will support the marriage. For the avoidance of doubt, the lady should bring on the table, her unconditional love for God and her spouse, virtues of hard work and submissiveness, skills and other qualities,Godly attributes of faith in God and His Word, prayerfulness and fear of God.

Where you need additional skills and competencies, don't hesitate to acquire such additional skills. If you're a civil servant,get a vocational skill in trading or distribution business, hairdressing, tailoring, catering, rental and sowing etc. If you desire to further your education, please do so. Marriage is an unpredictable journey of life that anything can happen to change calculations.

3. Determine what you want in a man/Husband. You must spend some quality time detailing the qualities you need in a man that will marry you. This exercise is not easy, but if you can do it, you will rediscover yourself the more. It should be done in faith without doubting, because you're not the one that will do it, but God.

Do not ask God for Husband or Wife without specifying exactly what you want in such a person.  You want a musician, Pastor, Footballer, Pilot, School Proprietor, Evangelist etc.  Let me give you a secret, if you are His own at the time of your request, begin to sing for joy, He will send you such a person.  It means that you are prepared to cooperate with one of of His children in the work of the kingdom in family upbringing, teaching the young ones, evangelism....etc.

God has everything you can ever desire, so don't limit yourself in any way, put your faith to work. If you don't do this, how would you know when your Mr appears? 

4. Decide the borders of your relationships with men and women and make sure you keep to the terms you have specified. Guide your borders strictly and be firm in warding-off intruders and other undesirable distractions. Maintain a professional attitude to appointment, time management; no late nights. no sex till your real man comes, no alcohol, no clubbing, no night visit to any guy, no hugging or kissing.

5. Decide to carry your body in honour always - that means no scanty dressing, no to extremely tight clothes, no amorous dressing. Also, no worldly songs and videos etc. 

6. Desire Godly men.  Men who will add to your spiritual progress.  If you desire a godly man, that desire will help you shift away canal men that will come to you first - some motivated by your good looks and shape - This type will spent a whole caressing you, others by your beauty and intelligence and others by your modest achievement in academics or financially. 

Godly brothers will exhibited godly characters all the time.  He will be a prayer addict, kingdom worker with strong commitment, honest, humble and hard-working.  You will notice that with all the money and academic qualifications he has achieved, his trust is in God for both promotion and over all progress in life.

When the guy comes, the following steps may yet be necessary:

1. Try to understand him - As you engage and interact with him, ask pertinent questions that will help you understand him. Find out his vision and the kind of future he is working towards. Find out about his family, his position in the family as well as his functional position of importance. Discover who his hero is. Who he is aspiring to be like and who is mentoring him. Who is his spiritual father. 

If you can understand him, his vision, then you will be in a better to advice, cheer him up and encourage him. He would also discern your intelligent and importance. In most cases, He would become more open with you, thereby making him available to be understood.

2. Observe Trends: - Observe his language of appreciation and his openness and know what his motivation is - love or lust. You don't have the time to waste on unproductive relationship. Hear me sisters. if he guy is seriously motivated by your looks, your physical outlook and shape, then he is motivated by lust. Very soon, he will be asking you to visit and cook for him, thereafter he would ask for sex. He would not easily discuss his future plans. You will get regular close-of-work hour and night calls from such a canal mind.

If he is in love, he will be open in many areas, would like to meet your friends, know whether you're engaged with anyone. He will call you more often and discuss tangible issues, not how beautiful your pictures on Facebook are. He will be interested in your career, future and so on.

3. Try to establish compatibility: - This is very critical for the success of the marriage. Compatibility here means that both of you agree and share the same belief and goal on many areas of interest. I was writing the final level examination of Institute of Chartered Accountants of Nigeria when I met my wife, an accounting undergraduate. Professionally, we are compatible.

Compatibility means that both of you have same aspiration on certain issues. I knew a young banker who was interested in farming as an entrepreneur. The day he met a graduate who believed in farming as a viable business, he said he knew he had met his wife. 

Compatibility reduces arguement at home, and with few argument at home, there will be peace. You can check for compatibility in many areas including:

1. Education- Are you both graduates?

2. Economic status: Are you both working?

3. Family: Which status -  poor, middle class or wealthy.

4. Culture: Same tribe/language; same state, LGA?

5. Profession: Are you doing the same business e.g farming, marketing, sales & distribution business.

6. Vision for the future: Areas of interest.

7. Number of children desired: Are you on one page?

8. Christian serve: Are you both ministers?

9. Leisure/hobby: Do you share common hobby.

Compatibility is a subjective issue, but sisters are encouraged to shine their eyes. Live the Christian lifestyle of chastity and love and internalize them.

a) Stop having sex for heaven sake. You have the grace to stay without sex for months, even for years. Focus on studying the Word and prayers.

b) Let him know you have a vision and future plan for self and family.

c) Show interest in his vision and efforts, support him in every descent way possible without giving him money.

d) De- emphasize money in your relation. Make no strenuous demands on him.

e). Maintain your discipline; avoid cooking at home and taking to him. Don't entertain late night visits or dates. 

f). Make sure you have dropped your "spinster jacket".  No drinking of alcohol, excess makeups etc. Avoid the the trap of regular visit to his house and cooking for him. If you fall to the pressure that other ladies big and small fall to, then you're not different and soon the man may take advantage of you.

g). Learn to carry your body in honour. Love yourself for who you are, love your beauty, and hold yourself in high esteem.  No scanty dresses.

Get active and serve God actively in your local church group. When you become active in the church group, their activities will fill up your idle time.

What men wants in a woman

Men are looking also for helpmates, loving and caring ladies.  They are looking for ladies they can trust with almost anything, from their business secrets, projects, family secrets etc.  Some men would do anything to get a lady who can stand for them, when they are away, on business or work, there is 'No shaking' at home.  

Many of them are looking for ladies who will not change their behaviour with time and situations.  They are looking for destiny helpers, honest and God fearing ladies, to marry.

Godly men, in particular are looking for women who love the Lord and who are ready to serve Him all their life.  Women who will together with them bring up godly children and fulfill the plan of God for marriage.  They are looking for destiny helpers, honest, loving and caring women.

They are looking for ladies that fear the Lord, who are also prayerful.  They are not looking for a beauty queen, who does not know the Lord, or a gorgeous and rich woman, whose God is not Jesus Christ.  They are not looking for tall and pretty spoilt-ladies...NO! They are looking for virtuous women, whose strength and trust is in the Lord.  They are looking for Word loaded ladies, whose destination is heaven.  

They appreciate women who are humble and submissive to their husband and shows understanding in handling family issues.  A wise woman understands time and season, and cooperates with the husband when important decisions are to be taken.  She will also work with him to achieve their target in life, business and family.

What to Do

In conclusion, it is your duty to discern over-time if the young man is ready to settle down. If he is not ready to settle down, throwing yourself at him will not produce any result. This is why sex should be excluded in your preliminary relationship. Tell your emotion to keep quite. No manipulations. 

The spiritual aspect of your preparation refers to foundational deliverance to remove every hidden obstacle to your marriage. Evil dedications and the hands of any strongman or woman. If you will have time to join our marriage seminars, you will receive deliverance and prophetic guide and instruction.

Any lady can get married, but only those who are ready to walk in love and be willing to forgive offenses will enjoy succeed.

I pray for you, that God Almighty will help you to prepare well for marriage and marry your own better half.

FIRE...