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Appearance, Charisma may be Deceptive..........Sisters Establish Love before seeking Marriage!

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Sisters, engage the Holy Spirit in choosing partner!


  • Appearance, charisma is not enough when it comes to marriage, and note that all that glitters is not gold. There is a place for Faith, Value, Integrity and Love.
  • You cannot cope with everyone, but there is someone you can live happily with, riches or no riches. 
  • Make sure you are compatible with the guy in key areas like - faith, love for God, Number of children desired, respect for parents etc!


Ladies, establish love before seeking marriage

Marriage can be a great experience when you marry the right person. Marriage has remain a great experience for the few that get it right by the help of God.  Make no mistakes, in this deceitful world, anyone that gets marriage right is highly blessed.

How do you know that the handsome man asking for your hand in marriage is really single?  I mean single indeed and not single with three children from two women?  How do you know if he is health inside as he is radiating in the outside? 

Sisters, how would you know that that lovely looking brother will be committed to you and the marriage according to the vows of marriage?  The heart of men is desperately wicked, who can find out.  How will you meet the right man for you and where.  

The answer is very simple.....Make the Holy Ghost your friend, He is a person that you can love and relate to everyday...and He will guide your steps and warn you, when you are deviating or entering a wrong place.  He will reveal the truth of the moment and the secrets to come to you in advance.  What you do not know or even imagine, He will reveal to you, so that you will not cry later.

Young people willing to get married should please wait on the Lord regularly and love the Holy Spirit.  He is the God on earth today, the Spirit of Christ and the Commander in Chief of God operations on earth...Please love the Holy Ghost and your life will be sweeter.

Love is the icings of the cake in every relationship and in life. Everyone is looking for love, but love is very elusive because it cannot be bought with money, it cannot be manufactured and supplied to people seeking it and so, it cannot be controlled. Love is very costly and as such scarce.

Love is transparent: Love requires that you reveal your true self to another person without any fears as to whether he would accept and love you are you are. We all want to be loved and appreciated, but without revealing yourself to the other person, love will be hard to establish. This is why a famous author C.S Lewis said that "To love at all is to be vulnerable” Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken, if you want to make sure it is intact, you must give it to no one"?

Love is sacrificial - meaning that love requires a lot of sacrifices to succeed and where there is love without sacrifice, such love can be easily frustrated.

Love is never hidden. It could be a complex issue, but whenever you fall in love, you will know.  However, you do not know whether the other person is in love with you.  This is why when a lady finds love, over night, she will close every other relationship and focus on the man that has shown her love and care that she cannot deny.

Love comes in different packages; some people in love do quickly want to move the relation to the next level, whether it is the man or the lady.  This is why it appears sometimes that ladies push their lover too hard for marriage.  The reason is that they are in love.  So there is a frequency that comes with love. If the lady is ready and prepared, the marriage can be consummated within months.

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A matured sister looking  to get married should do the following:

1. Do a self assessment of yourself and your relationship experiences and decide on areas of your lifestyle that need amendment, aspects of your behaviour that must be laid to rest, the ones that need improvement.  Decide on the areas of life you should seek knowledge to improve yourself generally.

2.  Marriage is a journey of commitments and so you should consider what you're bringing to the table that will support the marriage. For the avoidance of doubt, the lady should bring on the table, her unconditional love for God and her spouse, virtues of hard work and submissiveness, skills and other qualities,Godly attributes of faith in God and His Word, prayerfulness and fear of God.

Where you need additional skills and competencies, don't hesitate to acquire such additional skills. If you're a civil servant,get a vocational skill in trading or distribution business, hairdressing, tailoring, catering, rental and sowing etc. If you desire to further your education, please do so. Marriage is an unpredictable journey of life that anything can happen to change calculations.

3. Determine what you want in a man/Husband. You must spend some quality time detailing the qualities you need in a man that will marry you. This exercise is not easy, but if you can do it, you will rediscover yourself the more. It should be done in faith without doubting, because you're not the one that will do it, but God.

Do not ask God for Husband or Wife without specifying exactly what you want in such a person.  You want a musician, Pastor, Footballer, Pilot, School Proprietor, Evangelist etc.  Let me give you a secret, if you are His own at the time of your request, begin to sing for joy, He will send you such a person.  It means that you are prepared to cooperate with one of of His children in the work of the kingdom in family upbringing, teaching the young ones, evangelism....etc.

God has everything you can ever desire, so don't limit yourself in any way, put your faith to work. If you don't do this, how would you know when your Mr appears? 

4. Decide the borders of your relationships with men and women and make sure you keep to the terms you have specified. Guide your borders strictly and be firm in warding-off intruders and other undesirable distractions. Maintain a professional attitude to appointment, time management; no late nights. no sex till your real man comes, no alcohol, no clubbing, no night visit to any guy, no hugging or kissing.

5. Decide to carry your body in honour always - that means no scanty dressing, no to extremely tight clothes, no amorous dressing. Also, no worldly songs and videos etc. 

6. Desire Godly men.  Men who will add to your spiritual progress.  If you desire a godly man, that desire will help you shift away canal men that will come to you first - some motivated by your good looks and shape - This type will spent a whole caressing you, others by your beauty and intelligence and others by your modest achievement in academics or financially. 

Godly brothers will exhibited godly characters all the time.  He will be a prayer addict, kingdom worker with strong commitment, honest, humble and hard-working.  You will notice that with all the money and academic qualifications he has achieved, his trust is in God for both promotion and over all progress in life.

When the guy comes, the following steps may yet be necessary:

1. Try to understand him - As you engage and interact with him, ask pertinent questions that will help you understand him. Find out his vision and the kind of future he is working towards. Find out about his family, his position in the family as well as his functional position of importance. Discover who his hero is. Who he is aspiring to be like and who is mentoring him. Who is his spiritual father. 

If you can understand him, his vision, then you will be in a better to advice, cheer him up and encourage him. He would also discern your intelligent and importance. In most cases, He would become more open with you, thereby making him available to be understood.

2. Observe Trends: - Observe his language of appreciation and his openness and know what his motivation is - love or lust. You don't have the time to waste on unproductive relationship. Hear me sisters. if he guy is seriously motivated by your looks, your physical outlook and shape, then he is motivated by lust. Very soon, he will be asking you to visit and cook for him, thereafter he would ask for sex. He would not easily discuss his future plans. You will get regular close-of-work hour and night calls from such a canal mind.

If he is in love, he will be open in many areas, would like to meet your friends, know whether you're engaged with anyone. He will call you more often and discuss tangible issues, not how beautiful your pictures on Facebook are. He will be interested in your career, future and so on.

3. Try to establish compatibility: - This is very critical for the success of the marriage. Compatibility here means that both of you agree and share the same belief and goal on many areas of interest. I was writing the final level examination of Institute of Chartered Accountants of Nigeria when I met my wife, an accounting undergraduate. Professionally, we are compatible.

Compatibility means that both of you have same aspiration on certain issues. I knew a young banker who was interested in farming as an entrepreneur. The day he met a graduate who believed in farming as a viable business, he said he knew he had met his wife. 

Compatibility reduces arguement at home, and with few argument at home, there will be peace. You can check for compatibility in many areas including:

1. Education- Are you both graduates?
2. Economic status: Are you both working?
3. Family: Which status -  poor, middle class or wealthy.
4. Culture: Same tribe/language; same state, LGA?
5. Profession: Are you doing the same business e.g farming, marketing, sales & distribution business.
6. Vision for the future: Areas of interest.
7. Number of children desired: Are you on one page?
8. Christian serve: Are you both ministers?
9. Leisure/hobby: Do you share common hobby.

Compatibility is a subjective issue, but sisters are encouraged to shine their eyes. Live the Christian lifestyle of chastity and love and internalize them.

a) Stop having sex for heaven sake. You have the grace to stay without sex for months, even for years. Focus on studying the Word and prayers.

b) Let him know you have a vision and future plan for self and family.

c) Show interest in his vision and efforts, support him in every descent way possible without giving him money.

d) De- emphasize money in your relation. Make no strenuous demands on him.

e). Maintain your discipline; avoid cooking at home and taking to him. Don't entertain late night visits or dates. 

f). Make sure you have dropped your "spinster jacket".  No drinking of alcohol, excess makeups etc. Avoid the the trap of regular visit to his house and cooking for him. If you fall to the pressure that other ladies big and small fall to, then you're not different and soon the man may take advantage of you.

g). Learn to carry your body in honour. Love yourself for who you are, love your beauty, and hold yourself in high esteem.  No scanty dresses.

Get active and serve God actively in your local church group. When you become active in the church group, their activities will fill up your idle time.

What men wants in a woman:

1. Every man is looking for a woman that will complete him.  I means a woman that will compliment him in a lot of wars.

2.  Men are looking also for destiny helpers, especially those in the low and middle glass categories.

3. Men are not looking for a spoilt-child or someone that will compete with him at home.  In life, you are at liberty to choose the kind of life that completes you. And when it comes to settling down, the same case applies. 

4. Humble and submissive woman - 
A woman who is opinionated and is able to make decisions on her own is attractive, but she must still be submissive unto the husband. She should be teachable and willing to cooperate with the husband when important decisions are to be taken.

5. She is real and straight forward.  
A woman that is open minded and not one that hides her information from the husband.  A hard working woman, compassionate and caring is always better than the women that argue and quarrel on every little issue.

6. A home builder
A home builder is a wise woman of God who fears the Lord and her family and she is ready to support her husband and take care of her children. She is patient with her husband family members and give peace to the family.   A young man married his wife while the younger brother was still living with him.  The new wife was patient till they moved into a bigger house.

What does the Bible say about Marriage?


Genesis 1:28 - And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

Matthew 19:5 - And said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?

Ephesians 5:25 - Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

Ephesians 5:22 - Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.


Hebrews 13:4 - Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

1 Corinthians 7:39 - A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.

Titus 2:5 - To be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

1 Timothy 5:8 - But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Matthew 19:6 - So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Colossians 3:18-21 - Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

Ephesians 5:23-33 - For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 

Genesis 1:28 - And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

1 Corinthians 6:20 - For you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

Ephesians 5:1-33 - Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. ...

Ruth 3:10-11 - And he said, “May you be blessed by the Lord, my daughter. You have made this last kindness greater than the first in that you have not gone after young men, whether poor or rich. And now, my daughter, do not fear. I will do for you all that you ask, for all my fellow townsmen know that you are a worthy woman.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 - Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Genesis 2:24 - Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Genesis 2:18 - Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

Proverbs 5:15-21 - Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love. ...

1 Peter 3:1-7 - Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, ...

Ephesians 5:23 - For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.

Amos 3:3 - “Do two walk together, unless they have agreed to meet?

1 John 3:16 - By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.

1 Peter 3:1 - Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives,

1 Corinthians 6:1 - When one of you has a grievance against another, does he dare go to law before the unrighteous instead of the saints?

Esther 5:3 - And the king said to her, “What is it, Queen Esther? What is your request? It shall be given you, even to the half of my kingdom.”

Revelation 21:1-2 - Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.

Ephesians 5:22-32 - Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word.

Conclusion
In conclusion, it is your duty to discern overt  time if the young man is ready to settle down. If he is not ready to settle down, throwing yourself at him will not produce any result. This is why sex should be excluded in your preliminary relationship. Tell your emotion to keep quite. No manipulations. 

The spiritual aspect of your preparation refers to foundational deliverance to remove every hidden obstacle to your marriage. Evil dedications and the hands of any strongman or woman. If you will have time to join our marriage seminars, you will receive deliverance and prophetic guide and instruction.

Any lady can get married, but only those who are ready to walk in love and be willing to forgive offenses will enjoy succeed.

I pray for you, that God Almighty will help you to prepare well for marriage and marry your own better half.

I pray that the Lord be gracious to you in choosing a spouse!




FIRE...

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