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My Father-in-Law asked my wife to return.....After an argument - What should I do?


TRUE LIFE STORY!


Pastor, I had an argument with my wife of 6 months over some issues relating to her family.  She thinks her father is a saint and I disagreed with that.  The man is a knight in one of the orthodox churches in Nigeria. 

The first day I disagreed with her over her father, she was very angry, but she continued to say her father is righteous without minding my opinion on the matter.  Just recently, we had another heated debate, she keep saying I should not mention her father's name. I told her the father was not even born again, the all hell was let loose.  

She picked her phone and called the father crying and the father just asked her to pack her bags and return to his house.  What should I do?  -  John.


ANSWER:


Brother John, It's obvious you are marrying a daddy's pet.

Having said that, it is important to say that it is quite normal for a six months marriage to have argument and disagreements.  This is because both of you needed to know yourselves better. 

For the man, he is sensitive about any negative remarks about his mother, while the woman many atimes will not accommodate any negative pranks about her parents (mother and father).

Counsel - For the time being, accept that her father-inlaw is a saint...After all, only God know the heart of man. Remember that women are more emotional about issues.  She gave you a 'flash' of her emotion the first day, but you did not get the message.

The first six months is always challenging as both of you try to understand your likes and dislikes, set priorities and make your position on many issues known. So, it is a time to be patient and careful with words you speak to each other.

You should steer the 'ship' of the house in a healthy and accommodating way, but if it feels like you guys are fighting more often than not fighting, and probably using strong words, it could means both of you have strong personalities.  If you fight every once in awhile and do it relatively skillfully, you're probably fine!"

Perhaps, it is time you resume your family duties as the spiritual head of the home.  It is time for you dig deep into the scriptures and know what the bible says about marriage and how to love your wife. Despite the disagreement, you are not permitted to discuss your marriage and issues of your home with your mum or anyone else.


Cherish Her - Even if you are a saint, your wife is a woman, love and appreciate her always. 

She need a continuous reassurance that you are on her side and her opinions matter to you.  Incidentally, both of your have crossed some bounds, so you may not be able to insist that your opinion should be accepted.  She would have to win this argument for the sake of unity at home.

She remains the first lady and not even your mother can take her place.

As in every believing home, no secrecy is allowed. No secret accounts and money transfers.  Hide nothing from your wife and she will hopefully open up all things to you. 

Your Inlaws Holds the Second Key - Learn to Love and cherish your father and mother-in-laws - They are holding the second key of the marriage.  While you are still without children, you avoid expressing hard opinions about your inlaws.  They can simply separate you and your wife in minutes, especially when you are marrying a daddy's pet.

Also, help your wife to love your mother too, so that both of you will have peace and live in peace.

Additional Matters to Consider - In order to deepen your understanding of contentious issues young couples would ultimately discuss, argue and agree upon, take a look at the following points and work on them. You never can tell, which of the issues will come first.

1. What do we spend the money on?
Study after study shows that apart from money and sex, other issues young couple fight over include accommodation, a bigger accommodation or not, does the kitchen need to be renovation? 

How much should be sent home monthly to cater for aged parents. Are there younger ones in the family of the wife that are still in school.  If there are younger sibblings of your wife in school, you must as a matter of urgency start bank rolling the school fees and other expenses.  

Failure to do this in Igboland, where I come from is seen as almost a sin against your inlaws.  It shows you do not care about helping them and relieving their burden.  Even when they are comfortable, you will do well to train their child in school as their inlaw.

What you spend money on reveals your values and priorities. The most common couple pairing is for someone who likes to save, to be with someone who wants to spend. Savers and spenders tend to attract one another ... then fight about it.

2. How often do we have sex?
This should not be a problem.  You do not want to be in a sex-starved marriage.  Sex is part of the marriage package, except that nowadays, some people take drugs that turn them to sex addicts, but this should not be case with believers.  Sex everyday is an indication of problem as the pressures on the other partner will explode some day.

Fortunately, when you ask couples separately, how often they would like to have sex, per week? a wife might say, 2-3 times, while her husband says 3-4 times.

3. Where are we spending Christmas?
The role of family members and extended family in a relationship is critical ...  and tricky. Holidays are extra hard because where you spend which one impacts a lot of people--the two of you but also your parents, grandparents, etc. 

4. Who's doing the dishes?
Sharing household responsibilities is a common source of stress, especially if things aren't clear. Who takes out the trash? Who's in charge of the finances? Who deals with household stuff like fixing and repairing things at home.  When it comes to chores, "One person almost always feels like they're carrying more of the load than the other."

The best way to deal is to have an explicit conversation about household responsibilities as soon as you move in together. Agree to be responsible for certain things and see how it goes. If it's not working, have another talk. Be proactive and don't be afraid to get into the details.

5. What are you doing on your phone?
Technology. Social media. Distracted thinking. These are the consequences of a constantly-connected world, and it impacts couples in an intimate way. It can be painful to feel ignored, which is a common feeling when your partner is on his or her phone while you're together.


SUMMARY:

Let your wife know you appreciate her father and holds the entire family in high esteem.

Take the matter to God in prayer for an amicable resolution. Make God the head of your marriage, lead your family by example, be patient with your wife and cherish her...so your portion will be rich at home all the time!

Friends, give God praise for keeping you alive today.  He knows your name, your address and what you are struggling with at the moment,  and God will like to help you.  But you will have to become His son/daughter.

Repent of your sins, believe the word of God and accept His Son Jesus Christ as Saviour and Lord of your life.   In a world that is full of trouble, Jesus will give you peace, victory and eternal life. Will you accept Him today?



Say this Prayer: 
Lord Jesus I come to you as a sinner.
I am sorry for my sins, forgive me.
I believe you died for my sins, and was raised for my justification. 
Come into my heart be my Lord and Saviour, 
Give me the grace to serve You in truth and spirit. 
Thank You for saving my soul - I am born again!

His grace be with you all. 


FIRE...




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