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BIG SISTERS........Drop your 'Spinster Jackets' and show Maturity!



There are many sisters in the church who are comfortable and would make the best of wives, yet they are not married.  Some of them are not big in size, but their bank account is intimidatingly big.  Some are big in size and yet young and so the question is "What are the brothers looking for...or what are they afraid of?"

We want to examine some of the issues that the brothers seem to be afraid of them in 'Big Sisters'.

Some category of brothers are afraid of them because of inferiority complex - They have a good job, drives a big car and she is socially active.  Another set of brothers thing there is nothing special about any lady, whether she is found in the church or not.

What they seem to ignore is that a lady who humbles herself to work in the church or be active in church activities may be saying, I am ready to settle down with a man - she is prepared to marry and stay away from every other man.  In most cases, when you meet such a lady, she would have settled some of the issues that men uncomfortable like skimpy dressing, wearing tight clothes etc 

Why are the brothers looking away from these good sisters, many of them have dropped their spinsters jacket and praying and hoping the right guy will show up, many without any relationships ongoing.  So, if you are a brother who is yourself ready...not a playboy, you can prayerfully get a good woman in the church among your sisters, but you must pray hard and wait on the Lord to hear from Him.

Preliminary observations:
A man marries a woman of his class if he want the marriage to endure and succeed.  Any time you see a mismatch, there’s going to be problem, except there is a purposeful “push” on the lesser one to upgrade his/her status.

As men are in sizes, so their taste of the opposite sex differ.  I had a friend in school who will always tell me he like them “big” and years after I met his wife and as expected, she was “very heavy”.  Can I shock you, I remember a white guy who say he does not even know how to handle a big lady.  They are very complex for him and months later when his wife visited, she was very slim and the type Nigerians will call “Lekwa”.

Some men love to marry young girls rather than ladies.  For reasons best known to them, they prefer girls in the university rather than working class girls with means of livelihood. So, when they are ready to marry, you see them arranging flowers upon flowers looking for young girls to give. Such men pride themselves to have nurtured their wives from a tender age, watched them develop and  mature into full women and mothers.

Main Reasons:

1. Women who are comfortable are known to be arrogant and proud, but that should not be the portion of a believing daughter of Zion.  You can enjoy your comfort with modesty.  You must not be like the world or talk like worldly ladies. Let your difference show in your friendly and humble approach, respect and of other people and their opinion.

2. The search for Respect: - Over time, I discovered that the fear of the unknown and desire for a respectful lady, who will be teachable are the major reasons why some men go for younger girls or even those in the village.  

It is difficult to see how that improves the welfare conditions of the man, but it shows how much men value the respect from their wives, so in marrying the village girl, they are hoping they will find love and respect.

Men love to be respected by their wives.  This is a defining issue that is capable of defining his love towards the woman and nothing seem to be strong enough to replace the respect of a wife for her husband, not her money, not sex.

When a man feels the wife does not respect him, the man will hardly appreciate her.  A lot of guys admire big sisters in the church, but are simply afraid of what those sisters will become when they are married.

3. Bad Examples: Some have seen some bad instances, when the big sister gets into the house and immediately “seizes power from the man” and competes with him on every aspect of life.  Instead of help, the guy gets competition, mockery and insults. The result is suffering in silence since God hates divorce and its not an option.

4. Rigid and frigid:  The believing sister is too rigid for some guys in the church.  Their lifestyle of secrecy and loneliness is boring as it is devoid of excitement.  Many of the big ladies pray to God for rich and comfortable men, whether they are church members or not.  Some may even marry unbelievers; so far the guy is comfortable.

So, fairly stable young men are despised because they don’t have good cars or live within the city center. Another contentious issue is type of wedding to organize.  Many of the so called big girls want big and expensive society wedding that may force the young man to borrow. Their wedding must be elaborate to accommodate her interest, her family and endless friends.

5. Pride: - A believing sister is responsible for how people see her and the conclusions they make about her.  If you are not proud, show humility and respect your seniors etc  Let pride not be associated with you as a daughter of Zion for God hates the proud.

Let pride of achievement, success, qualification, position, riches and wealth be removed from you.  All the attitude of “are you sure you can marry me”, Where are you coming from” , you are too young  for me” or “Am I not too big for you?” are what people call pride.  It could be pride of the heart or physical pride. Think about it!

If pride is removed, the believing sister is the best thing that can happen to a bachelor planning to get married.  She is a great asset to any man who love God and want a peaceful life.  Her inner qualities are awesomely pleasant, as you don’t need to advice her on many things. 

Benefits of Good Christian Sister: 
She has resolved many contentious issues of marriage on her own because of the influence of the Word of God in her life.  Issues that breed disagreement for young couples like wearing Trousers, praying and studying the Word daily, the kind of friends to keep and the word of her communication.

She understands that the coming together with her suitor must have the hand and blessing of God with the evidence of peace of mind on both sides.  She understands that marriage is responsibility and hard work.  

She understands that she will make the man “complete” as it were and so there should be no need for competition.  She knows too well that each one of the man and woman has assigned responsibility from the Almighty God.

Prayer: She also understands the place of prayer in marriage, especially when things are going on well.  Because, you don’t know who the enemies are, but you know that the chief enemy Satan is never happy with a happy home, the woman and the man must give themselves to prayer, separately and collective through the family alter

The list is endless.  She knows that the destiny of the marriage is in their hands and if they and only they will make it work. So, having dropped her spinsters’ jacket, she embraces hard work, diligence and prayers.  The lady know the time of free money is gone, free lift from home to office and back is gone.  

Conclusion - Sisters, How do prospective guys see you?

They see a beautiful lady with confidence, but very hard and difficult to approach.  They see a lady whose mind are made up on many issues, a boss of some kind and independent minded.  

I hear some guys say that these ladies can hardly shift ground for their man on certain things either while in courtship or after marriage.

Sisters, over seriousness does not make a person holy. It is the amount of the Word of God in you, the level of your compliance to the Word and the fear of God in you that makes you holy. 

Be friendly, humble and pleasant. Let your joy radiate like a virus unto your admirers.   Keep a simple lifestyle! 

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