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LOVE & MARRIAGE........Why is Love so Important in Marriage?

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Marital Advice for Singles!


Marriage is a great opportunity to make progress in life for everyone, especially those who love children and want to have a family of their own.  The reality of life is that there are ladies who want to have a family, but who do not know what to do to get a godly man they desire and cry to God for. Anyone in that category will find this piece interesting.  

In marriage, Jesus Christ and love are the most important ingredients for a successful marriage.  When  you meet the person you love and that loves you, and both of you are in Christ, you are in for a lifetime of joy and peace.

Love is  key to marital success because it takes love for a person to commit to a relationship, and without commitment, the marriage will collapse.  Everyone is looking for love because we are not perfect, and love existing between two people covers every fault, overlooks weaknesses, and allow the couple to learn and grow into maturity together in peace. Love does not despise or lord itself on the other person, love is full of charity. 

Love is the most important ingredient for happy marriage after Jesus Christ and yet Love is elusive because it cannot be bought with money, neither can it be  manufactured and supplied to people seeking it.  Love cannot be controlled, whoever is in love becomes vulnerable. Love is very costly and scarce!

Many ladies choose the wrong partner because of deception.  Some young people have cleverly learnt how to show fake love to themselves - love that cannot stand the test of time.  Some people profess they are ready for marriage, when they don't even know themselves, neither are they spiritually and mentally ready.  

A woman may be physically ready, but fall short in the spiritual and mental requirement for making a happy home.  Appearance is not enough, there is place for lasting christian values and virtues in marriage. We can become infatuated with a man for a variety of reasons and believe he is the right guy for months or even years. But eventually the incompatibilities become apparent, you fall out of love. In fact, it's often the qualities that attracted you to him, in the first place that will ultimately drive you out. Take a lady for instance, the dressing that attract men to them is the same dressing they force those men to go. 

For believers in Christ, the first sign of your maturity for marriage should be your understanding of the word of God concerning marriage.  It is unthinkable that a christian sister is looking for a godly husband without know the meaning of Genesis 2:21-25. This is the story of how God ordained marriage and later blessed it.

Genesis 2:21-15 Explained:

1. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof.  And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

A woman was created for her husband - This is one of the reason God asked the woman to humble herself before her husband and submit to him in all things.  Sisters, do not marry a man you cannot submit to.  Surface love will fail you later in the marriage, when your husband begins to demand for the respect due a husband. If you cannot submit to a man, then both of you cannot truely be one in the spirit and walk together in the physical.

Your proposed husband must be ready for marriage, else after the marriage, his friends and parents will still be directing his behaviour.  Do not marry a man who is  not yet ready for marriage - The struggle could last more years than you think.

2. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.  Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

You will notice that Adam was eagerly waiting for Eve to make him complete.  This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh says it all. Eve completed the holy man called Adam.  He was busy naming animals of all kind and saying in his heart - None of them is looking like me, I am alone here in the midst of animals...O'Lord help my loneliness.

So, when Eve was brought to him, he was comforted and glad.  Sisters, receive the grace to consent to a man that is marriage-ready and eagerly waiting for your hands to make him complete.  For you to enjoy that man and your marriage, you need to understand the meaning of "both of them being naked and they are not ashamed". Please pay attention!

3. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

This third point means alot to the health of your marriage both in the beginning and all through your lives as married couple.  It means they were very close to each other - Intimacy without shame. It also means that there was no secret things, acts and otherwise to be hidden from each other.

No secret friends your spouse do not know about, No secret bank accounts to hid from her; No secret facebook and instagram friends you waste your time chatting without your spouse knowing.  No secret transfer of your money (Which is now for the family as a whole) to any family member of friend without discussing with your spouse.

Beloved, the moment you begin to hide anything from your spouse, there is a conflict and a problem in the offing.  Some people refuse to talk or discuss the problem in the early stage, but situation will force them to talk later, when it is too late.  

Sometimes, I observe some young couples hiding their phone from their spouse, which shows you are not ready to play according to rules.  God ordained marriage and gave us the guidelines for success in marriage.

Make up your mind to love and admire only your husband, submitting unto him as the Lord ordained it.  You will both be happy for it, as there will be peace of mind and both of you are able to plan your family and walk together to realize your dream.

Remember  also, all that glitters is not gold. ....And you cannot cope with everyone. There is someone you can live happily with, riches or no riches and ensure both of you are compatible.


In addition to Gen 2, Christian Ladies should know that:

Love is transparent: Love requires that you reveal your true self to another person without any fears as to whether he would accept and love you are you are. We all want to be loved and appreciated, but without revealing yourself to the other person, love will be hard to establish. This is why a famous author C.S Lewis said that "To love at all is to be vulnerable” Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken, if you want to make sure it is intact, you must give it to no one"?

Love is sacrificial - meaning that love requires a lot of sacrifices to succeed and where there is love without sacrifice, such love can be easily frustrated.

Love is never hidden. It could be a complex issue, but whenever you fall in love, you will know.  However, you do not know whether the other person is in love with you.  This is why when a lady finds love, over night, she will close every other relationship and focus on the man that has shown her love and care that she cannot deny.

Love comes in different packages; some people in love do quickly want to move the relation to the next level, whether it is the man or the lady.  This is why it appears sometimes that ladies push their lover too hard for marriage.  The reason is that they are in love.  So there is a frequency that comes with love. If the lady is ready and prepared, the marriage can be consummated within months.

A matured sister should do the following:

1. Do a self assessment of yourself and your relationship experiences and decide on areas of your lifestyle that need amendment, aspects of your behaviour that must be laid to rest, the ones that need improvement.  Decide on the areas of life you should seek knowledge to improve yourself generally.

2.  Marriage is a journey of commitments and so you should consider what you're bringing to the table that will support the marriage. For the avoidance of doubt, the lady should bring on the table, her unconditional love for God and her spouse, virtues of hard work and submissiveness, skills and other qualities,Godly attributes of faith in God and His Word, prayerfulness and fear of God.

Where you need additional skills and competencies, don't hesitate to acquire such additional skills. If you're a civil servant,get a vocational skill in trading or distribution business, hairdressing, tailoring, catering, rental and sowing etc. If you desire to further your education, please do so. Marriage is an unpredictable journey of life that anything can happen to change calculations.

3. Determine what you want in a man/Husband. You must spend some quality time detailing the qualities you need in a man that will marry you. This exercise is not easy, but if you can do it, you will rediscover yourself the more. It should be done in faith without doubting, because you're not the one that will do it, but God.

Do not ask God for Husband or Wife without specifying exactly what you want in such a person.  You want a musician, Pastor, Footballer, Pilot, School Proprietor, Evangelist etc.  Let me give you a secret, if you are His own at the time of your request, begin to sing for joy, He will send you such a person.  It means that you are prepared to cooperate with one of of His children in the work of the kingdom in family upbringing, teaching the young ones, evangelism....etc.

God has everything you can ever desire, so don't limit yourself in any way, put your faith to work. If you don't do this, how would you know when your Mr appears? 

4. Decide the borders of your relationships with men and women and make sure you keep to the terms you have specified. Guide your borders strictly and be firm in warding-off intruders and other undesirable distractions. Maintain a professional attitude to appointment, time management; no late nights. no sex till your real man comes, no alcohol, no clubbing, no night visit to any guy, no hugging or kissing.

5. Decide to carry your body in honour always - that means no scanty dressing, no to extremely tight clothes, no amorous dressing. Also, no worldly songs and videos etc. 

6. Desire Godly men.  Men who will add to your spiritual progress.  If you desire a godly man, that desire will help you shift away canal men that will come to you first - some motivated by your good looks and shape - This type will spent a whole caressing you, others by your beauty and intelligence and others by your modest achievement in academics or financially. 

Godly brothers will exhibited godly characters all the time.  He will be a prayer addict, kingdom worker with strong commitment, honest, humble and hard-working.  You will notice that with all the money and academic qualifications he has achieved, his trust is in God for both promotion and over all progress in life.

When the guy comes, the following steps may yet be necessary:

1. Try to understand him - As you engage and interact with him, ask pertinent questions that will help you understand him. Find out his vision and the kind of future he is working towards. Find out about his family, his position in the family as well as his functional position of importance. Discover who his hero is. Who he is aspiring to be like and who is mentoring him. Who is his spiritual father. 

If you can understand him, his vision, then you will be in a better to advice, cheer him up and encourage him. He would also discern your intelligent and importance. In most cases, He would become more open with you, thereby making him available to be understood.

2. Observe Trends: - Observe his language of appreciation and his openness and know what his motivation is - love or lust. You don't have the time to waste on unproductive relationship. Hear me sisters. if he guy is seriously motivated by your looks, your physical outlook and shape, then he is motivated by lust. Very soon, he will be asking you to visit and cook for him, thereafter he would ask for sex. He would not easily discuss his future plans. You will get regular close-of-work hour and night calls from such a canal mind.

If he is in love, he will be open in many areas, would like to meet your friends, know whether you're engaged with anyone. He will call you more often and discuss tangible issues, not how beautiful your pictures on Facebook are. He will be interested in your career, future and so on.

3. Try to establish compatibility: - This is very critical for the success of the marriage. Compatibility here means that both of you agree and share the same belief and goal on many areas of interest. I was writing the final level examination of Institute of Chartered Accountants of Nigeria when I met my wife, an accounting undergraduate. Professionally, we are compatible.

Compatibility means that both of you have same aspiration on certain issues. I knew a young banker who was interested in farming as an entrepreneur. The day he met a graduate who believed in farming as a viable business, he said he knew he had met his wife. 

Compatibility reduces arguement at home, and with few argument at home, there will be peace. You can check for compatibility in many areas including:

1. Education- Are you both graduates?
2. Economic status: Are you both working?
3. Family: Which status -  poor, middle class or wealthy.
4. Culture: Same tribe/language; same state, LGA?
5. Profession: Are you doing the same business e.g farming, marketing, sales & distribution business.
6. Vision for the future: Areas of interest.
7. Number of children desired: Are you on one page?
8. Christian serve: Are you both ministers?
9. Leisure/hobby: Do you share common hobby.

Compatibility done, Sisters are encouraged to shine their eyes. Live the Christian lifestyle of chastity and love and internalize them. You are better guided by the following advice:

Stop having sex for heaven sake. You have the grace to stay without sex for months, even for years. Focus on studying the Word and prayers.

Let him know you have a vision and future - Don’t call him everyday – 
It may be from time to time, but certainly not all the time. Men know how to call you when you haven’t called them, but if you call constantly to “just check in” then the chances are he’ll feel smothered within a week and will lose interest or just assume you are a bit desperate. 

Show interest in his vision and efforts, support him in every descent way possible without giving him money.

De- emphasize money in your relation. Make no strenuous demands on him.


Do your own thing – Never make us the centre of your world. Men love doing their own thing, and they love a woman who does her own thing even more. Hang out with your friends, go for a meal with your sister, have drinks after work, and after a certain amount of time you will both start doing many of these things together. Take it slowly and don’t rush into spending every evening with your prospective husband before time. He will want his own space and really appreciate you if you give it to him.

Maintain your discipline - avoid cooking for him at his house when you are not yet married to him. Don't entertain late night visits or dates. 

Make sure you have dropped your "spinster jacket".  No drinking of alcohol, excess makeups etc. Avoid the the trap of regular visit to his house and cooking for him. If you fall to the pressure that other ladies big and small fall to, then you're not different and soon the man may take advantage of you.

Learn to carry your body in honour. Love yourself for who you are, love your beauty, and hold yourself in high esteem.  No scanty dresses.


Forget Facebook – If you want to let your friends know how much you loved the prospective husband on the way to your office, or share a photo of the most adorable kitten playing a guitar that’s well and good. But do you really want a guy you just met to see all those old photos you’ve been tagged in? Retain a bit of mystery and avoid sending him a friend request until you’ve known each other better. 

Get active and serve God actively in your local church group. When you become active in the church group, their activities will fill up your idle time.



Conclusion
In conclusion, it is your duty to discern over time if the young man is ready to settle down. If he is not ready to settle down, throwing yourself at him will not produce any result. This is why sex should be excluded in your preliminary relationship. Tell your emotion to keep quite. No manipulations. 

Commitment scares many men, even when they are ready, so be careful how you 'push' him to move. Of course, just because he is scared doesn’t mean he doesn’t want it. Take it easy and let him decide when he is ready to commit.

Please consider the entire advice on your hands today, meditate and upgrade yourself with them.  I am married and still married for over 20 years and I know that any woman can get married, but only those who are ready to walk in love  will enjoy success in marriage.

I pray for you, that God Almighty will help you to prepare well for marriage.


Beloved, there are many spirits speaking to people today, asking them to do the wrong things - Suicide, divorce, kill and destroy.  But the Spirit of God guides you to the right choices and tells you things to come. That Spirit of God comes into your life when you give your heart to Jesus. He will give you a new life, victory and eternal life.
  
All you need to do is to Repent of your sins and sinful ways, believe the word of God and His Son Jesus Christ.  Will you accept Him today?

Say this Prayer: 
Lord Jesus I come to you as a sinner.
I am sorry for my sins, forgive me.
I believe you died for my sins, and was raised for my justification. 
Come into my heart be my Lord and Saviour, 
Give me the grace to serve You in truth and spirit. 
Thank You for saving my soul - I am born again!

His grace be with you all. 


FIRE...


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