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SISTERS,SINGLE MOMS .........Allow your sons/daughters to know their fathers

Mistakes happen, errors are committed...but that's not the end of life!

Being a single parent is to raise a child or children alone as the mother or father. I can imagine how stressful it would be, when you compare the challenges that husband and wife face bring up children as a couple.  The keeping of night you have to face when they are babies, the teething problem of crippling, standing and walking with intermittent sickness.  

The rivalry of children as they grow into adult. The pride and arrogance that come upon then in their youth which should be corrected and made to align with the word of God.  The discipline, respect and decorum they have to learn from the home as they grow up.  I can say without iota of doubt that single parenting is stressful

Single mothers are tough ladies and their courage should be praised for their courage.  Circumstances of life forced them to cater for their children alone - playing the role of father and mother to their children.  

Being single Mom was not the plan of many, but circumstances beyond their control put them in that condition and I think it will not be out of place for the church they belong to support them, fill some gaps in their lives and in their children's upbringing.

Wrong judgement

Having said that, and looking back at relationship errors that lead to single parenting, you will see that due to ignorance, many of today's single mothers who thought the man they loved and got pregnant for would be their husband, but were disappointed are encouraged to take heart, and know that there is help for them in Christ.

Some men and even ladies thought they were tough, and cannot be moved by any disrespecting man or woman, but today, they have seen that they were not as tough as they thought.

Others thought their intelligence and beauty, handsomeness would easily get them a better man or woman to marry, so they dished the ones they were in love with for one reason or the other, but today, they know better.

For many, it is their best friend that caused their separation or broke their relationship that caused them to be single mother - Please forgive and just remember your destiny is still available and bright as ever.

I don't know the circumstances that led to your having your baby and your supposed husband is not by your side. I know that such a disappointment is very hard to bear, especially when you think the fault is not from you.  

I can imagine the despair, the rejection and bitterness it generates for ladies, when they see the man that put them in the family, getting married to another woman.

Bearing the Pains
It could be the hardest thing for many to bear, all I am saying is - please forgive and again remember that your creator is still alive and your destiny is still as bright as ever.  Forgive that man and free your spirit and move on with your life.  Your future and that of the baby could be affected negatively by the way you handle the matter.

Remove Guilt:
Single Moms should get out of their guilt and face life with all the confidence and vigour of a child of God. You may feel guilty for the things you cannot provide or the time you may spend with your kids. But, for your good, try to focus on your business and career, so you will have time to show the love, comfort and attention to your little ones. 

Remain Positive:

You may quickly become overwhelmed by the demands and responsibilities of single parenting. You may also suffer the pain of the sudden separation of your spouse. Despite all these, you have to stay positive as your kids may easily get affected by your moods. 

Allowing your children to know their father
Many children are emotionally depressed and angry with their mothers because they don't know their father.  Many of them will pressurize their  mothers to determine if their father is alive or dead, only to discover their father is alive, and kicking.  Some are even doing so well, but the bitterness of the past is preventing the mother from telling their children the truth about their father or allowing them to know the man.  This should not be so!

Allowing your children will certainly reduce the tension on the children and give them confidence when they are relating with their pears. It will always have a positive impact on their behaviour at home and in school.  Its a moral booster for children especially the young adults among them.

My point is that when you forgive the man and allow your son/daughter access to him - To at least see and know who their father is, the children will also  discharge you in their heart.

I know it has been hard to maintain discipline in the home as a single parent will be the only disciplinarian. I know you would have had to alter your lifestyles a little to accommodate the children.  You may have also struggled with the finances in order to meet the needs of the child or children, but that not the end of life. 

Realities of Single motherhood
You would have struggled with the following realities:

Emotional Problems:
Your children are likely to suffer from self-esteem problems. They may crave for affection, which they will not get enough because of your busy schedule. Thus, they may lose expectations in their relationships later in life. They will take all the blame for their living conditions. It may be difficult for you to stop them from drawing comparisons, but you can help your children build self-regard. Things like acknowledging her when she has done something good and posting a card in her room about her worth will help build self-esteem.

It is another challenge most single parents face. They will not only be able to share their difficulties with their spouse but also cannot share their joys as well. If the parent is single because of spouse’s death or any tragedy, it will be even harder for the parent to bear all sorts of responsibilities.

Adjustment Difficulties:
Children will also face the issues along with their single parents. They may be a sense of loss, poverty and continuous exposure to parental arguments. While the parent’s sense of loss is because of the missing spouse, a child’s loss will be a guide or a protector. It will be tougher for children at their young age.

Financial Troubles
Most single parents work long hours to meet the financial needs of the family. It is necessary to run the household and raise the children. There may be chances when you have to deny your kids from their requirements, and you may have to juggle repeatedly between financial commitments. Your child may thus be not able to take the opportunities he always dream of due to financial concerns.

Strong Mother-Child Bonding:
Your children will expect to have you around them more than before, and spending one-on-one time with your little one creates a unique bond which will be stronger than the one if you were a nuclear parent. 

Devoting more time to your Children:
Even after separating from your partner, your kids will still look for the same love and concern they used to get before. They need the same protection, routine, encouragement to learn and support from a loving and trusting parent. It may be hard for you to show the same support and warmth in the initial days, but You can spend quality time with your little ones continually.  Don't leave them to house helps alone. Don't keep closing late from the office, which will make it difficult to see them before bed time Monday to Friday. 

Effect on the Children

Shared Responsibilities:
Children raised by single parents will not just have token responsibilities to do, but their contribution to the complete family system is necessary. In this way, children will understand the value of their contribution and can take pleasure in their work.

Early Maturity for the children:
Children will find their parents working hard, and it will force them to collaborate and work along with their parents. Additionally, the children will also learn to manage their disappointments in life.

If you find your child is disappointed, respond with support, empathy and encouragement.  These experiences will help children become empathetic and caring adults.  You may not prevent them from feeling disappointed or sad all the time, but you can help them manage their emotions.

Low Parenting Quality
Single parenting practically put all the parenting responsibilities on one person add to your everyday life. Your long hours of working may make you miss your child’s important school functions. You may not afford a babysitter, but thanks to our extended family culture, you can get a young relative stay with you to help you take care of the child or children and cover for your absence.

Children sharing their mother's  grief
If your reason for single parenting is divorce, your children will also suffer from adjustment problems or may have the feeling of being ashamed. If your partner stops looking out after your kids as he or she used to do before, your children may badly suffer resentment. There are also chances they still hold on to bad memories of your divorce.

Call for Forgiveness

I counsel you to forgive that man today.  Release yourself from the cage that unforgiveness puts on people...and see what God has in stock for you and your child.  The future is in God's hands and not in the hands of any man, that is why all eyes are on the Lord, creator of heaven and earth. 

Allow your sons/daughters to know their father.  Its important for the emotional development of the children.  I know you love your children, please don't deny them the knowledge of their father, when the man is alive.  Let love lead!  Let your sons/daughters know their father!!

What did the bible say about Forgiveness

Ephesians 4:32 - Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Mark 11:25 - And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”

1 John 1:9 - If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Matthew 6:15 - But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Matthew 18:21-22 - Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.

Matthew 6:14-15 - For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Luke 6:37 - “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;

Colossians 3:13 - Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

James 5:16 - Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

Luke 6:27 - “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,

Proverbs 10:12 - Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.

Acts 2:38 - And Peter said to them, “Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.

Matthew 6:12 - And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.

1 Corinthians 10:13 - No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

Matthew 6:14 - For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you,

Ephesians 1:7 - In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace,

Luke 17:3-4 - Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”

Romans 3:23 - For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,

Proverbs 17:9 - Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.

Psalm 32:5 - I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,” and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah

Isaiah 1:18 - “Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool.

Proverbs 28:13 - Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.

Luke 23:34 - And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” And they cast lots to divide his garments.

Daniel 9:9 - To the Lord our God belong mercy and forgiveness, for we have rebelled against him

Matthew 26:28 - For this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.

1 John 1:9-10 - If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.

Ecclesiastes 7:20 - Surely there is not a righteous man on earth who does good and never sins.

Acts 3:19 - Repent therefore, and turn again, that your sins may be blotted out,

John 3:16 - “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

Romans 12:20 - To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.”

Psalm 103:12 - As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.

1 John 1:8 - If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.

Acts 10:43 - To him all the prophets bear witness that everyone who believes in him receives forgiveness of sins through his name.”

Isaiah 55:7 - Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, that he may have compassion on him, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.

1 John 2:1 - My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous.

Romans 6:23 - For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Proverbs 25:21 - If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat, and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink,

Romans 8:1 - There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

John 13:34 - A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.

Ephesians 4:31-32 - Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

2 Chronicles 7:14 - If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.

Hebrews 10:17 - Then he adds, “I will remember their sins and their lawless deeds no more.”

Colossians 1:13-14 - He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

Psalm 86:5 - For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving, abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you.

2 Corinthians 5:17 - Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

Jeremiah 31:34 - And no longer shall each one teach his neighbor and each his brother, saying, ‘Know the Lord,’ for they shall all know me, from the least of them to the greatest, declares the Lord. For I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more.”

Isaiah 43:25 - “I, I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins.

Matthew 5:44 - But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,

Isaiah 53:5 - But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed.

Isaiah 43:25-26 - “I, I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins. Put me in remembrance; let us argue together; set forth your case, that you may be proved right.

Micah 7:18-19 - Who is a God like you, pardoning iniquity and passing over transgression for the remnant of his inheritance? He does not retain his anger forever, because he delights in steadfast love. He will again have compassion on us; he will tread our iniquities underfoot. You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea.

Hebrews 8:12 - For I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more.”

Ephesians 2:8 - For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,

Matthew 5:7 - “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.

Micah 7:18 - Who is a God like you, pardoning iniquity and passing over transgression for the remnant of his inheritance? He does not retain his anger forever, because he delights in steadfast love.

John 8:7 - And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.”

1 John 2:12 - I am writing to you, little children, because your sins are forgiven for his name's sake.

Acts 22:16 - And now why do you wait? Rise and be baptized and wash away your sins, calling on his name.’

1 John 2:2 - He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world.

James 2:8 - If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing well.

Romans 12:17 - Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.

Acts 17:30 - The times of ignorance God overlooked, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent,

Ephesians 4:31 - Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.

Psalm 38:3-4 - There is no soundness in my flesh because of your indignation; there is no health in my bones because of my sin. For my iniquities have gone over my head; like a heavy burden, they are too heavy for me.

Colossians 1:14 - In whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

Galatians 6:1 - Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.

Acts 13:38-39 - Let it be known to you therefore, brothers, that through this man forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you, and by him everyone who believes is freed from everything from which you could not be freed by the law of Moses.

Joel 2:13 - And rend your hearts and not your garments.” Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love; and he relents over disaster.

Jeremiah 3:12 - Go, and proclaim these words toward the north, and say, “‘Return, faithless Israel, declares the Lord. I will not look on you in anger, for I am merciful, declares the Lord; I will not be angry forever.

Proverbs 28:9 - If one turns away his ear from hearing the law, even his prayer is an abomination.

1 Peter 3:9 - Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.

Colossians 3:23 - Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,

Psalm 130:3 - If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand?

Matthew 6:12-15 - And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses

Beloved, Jesus is coming back soon.  "Where will you spend eternity - In heaven or hell"? This is the time to work-out your salvation.  Now is the acceptable time!

Repent and give your heart to Jesus. He will give you a new life, victory and eternal life.  Will you accept Him today?


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