HAPPY MARRIAGE........20 Important steps to having a strong love-filled HOME

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The institution of marriage is at the receiving end of the end-time drama that is happening in the world today.  We have baby mothers, teenagers carrying children, and then we have older ladies who find it difficult to find suitors.  So in between these two divides, a lot of things are going on.  

The older ladies, believer and non-believers after waiting for a long time for the right man, sometimes decide to marry just any man that comes their way.  I have seen many cases of this type and even among people close to me.  It would look as though God was not answering their prayers and does not care, but that's not true.  God is asking them to be patient and work on their lives and make some corrections if they wanted God to send one of His sons to them.

Be Patient
This is a hard truth for many ladies to believe, especially today, that everyone is in a hurry.  In a hurry to get married, have children, buy a house and even buy a car. We are just in a hurry to be patient.  So, the wrong man, an unbeliever approaches a believing sister, and out of desperation, she accepts. This is pure carnality that will never glorify God.  The glory of the Lord will hardly manifest in such a marriage, except they born to turn to God in repentance and serve the Lord.  

Marrying an unbeliever, who does not know the Lord, neither does he fear Him is such a big risk.  It could lead to constant fight and battering, it could turn the lady into a widow before long when the man is an older man, I can count at least three cases I am aware of. She could also be divorced within a few years of the marriage and so on.  

Any time a believer in Christ tries to help himself or herself, it shows the person is far from the Lord, and he/she cannot hear from Him.  It also shows dangerous desperation that leads to error.  That is the right time for a believer to review his love life and relationship with Christ, and amend his ways. When the Lord departed from King Saul and Prophet Samuel stopped visiting him, so that he could no longer hear the voice of God, he decided to help himself...He went and consulted with the Witch of Endor, the result was a shame as he died the next day.

Marriage is a Covenant relationship
A Christian should seek the face of God when it comes to marriage because it is a very delicate stage in the life of both the man and the woman.  They are about to enter into a covenant relationship, whether they like it or not.  A marriage is a covenant relationship with many written and unwritten agreements, and any of the covenants you ignore or refuse to act upon will hunt you again.  That is why there is so much trouble in society today.  People wake up one morning and reject their spouse and walk away from the marriage, without knowing the physical and spiritual consequences.  There are consequences for such actions and they cannot be exempted.

Today, we have people pursuing strange relationships and lusting after themselves in the way they should never be. In the west, many young people are even thinking it is better to remain single than get married because of the troubles they sense in marriage.  These and more problems are confronting the marriage institution because the End-time is here, and the devil is desperate to lead careless people into hell fire.  

However, with strong determination and commitment, each person's marriage can be 'heaven on earth'.  There is really nothing God cannot do for us if we cooperate with Him.  There is no character defect God cannot heal or transform so that a couple could enjoy their marriage again.  It all depends on the people involved, and the faith and trust they have in the Lord.

Requires strong commitment
Also, if the couples can forgive themselves, have mutual respect for each other, allow love and unforgiveness to reign in their heart, nothing shall be impossible for them.  Successful couples are savvy. They learn by experience as marriage progress.  They initiate moves that bring happiness into the home by their deliberate actions.  They understand that success doesn't just come, even in marriage, you have to work it out.  If happiness come by chance, maybe someone gave them a huge amount of money, a piece of land, such happiness will eventually go.  Something of value, don't just come.

Strong marriages are built on sound biblical principles, fear of God, love for one another and commitment to the success of both marriage and each individual couple. When things get tough, you are expected to show understanding with your spouse, because you are in there together.  Maybe he invested in a business that is not responding, but he shared the proposal with you and so, you have to bear with him and keep praying for him and the business.  It could be your wife going through hard times in her office, your comfort and make her stay at home sweet.

Reject Harsh words
Harsh words destroy relationships beyond repairs and I am yet to see any successful marriage where both husband and wife talk to themselves anyhow.  It does work that way.  I have seen couples who do such things, but when I looked closely, both couples are alcoholics and wine blabbers.  Each time they drink themselves to stupor, the atmosphere in their homes changes, the argument starts over little or nothing...No Christian home should have such appearance.

Another thing that is dangerous to marriage covenant and peace at home, is the unwholesome behaviour of ignoring the feelings of your spouse.  Don't ignore the feeling of your wife on a matter that is making her boil in the inside, as though you have no feelings or conscience.  No matter what the subject matter may be, money, her parents or office work.  Listen to her and advise her, let her know your opinion and why you are holding such an opinion.

Do not be a hard person, a hard man or woman.  I have known some hard women, they will receive counsel quite alright, but they will still do their wish. When it is necessary, change your attitude, change your behaviour and speech.  Change your mind, change your marriage. How couples think and what they believe about their spouse affects how they perceive the other. What they expect and how they treat their spouse matters greatly.  Remember the grass is greenest where you water it. 

Changes start from you
Every lasting change in the home starts from you.  Stop trying to change your spouse, when you remain the same person.  Learn to change whatever you don't like in your marriage by changing yourself. If you can change, then it will be easy for your spouse to follow you.

Successful couples have learned to resist the grass is a greener myth — i.e., someone else will make me happy. They have learned to put their energy into making themselves and their marriage better.  You know no child of God should hold grudges against anyone, no bitterness.  Forgive every offence and let do of bitterness.  If you hold grudges against your wife or husband, if you live in bitterness, then peace will be difficult in the house and your prayers would be hindered.

20 Important Steps
I do not know the challenges your marriage is facing at the moment, but I am optimistic that if you can prayerfully apply these steps and principles in your marriage, you will see a difference.

1. Choose to love each other, even in those moments when you struggle to like each other. Love is a commitment, not a feeling.

2. Always answer the phone when your husband/wife is calling. When possible, try to keep your phone off when you're together with your spouse.

3. Make time together with a priority. Budget for a consistent date night. Time is the "currency of relationships," so consistently invest time into your marriage.

4. Make laughter the soundtrack of your marriage. Share moments of joy. And even in the hard times, find reasons to laugh.

5. In every argument, remember that there won't be a "winner" and a "loser." You're partners in everything so you'll either win together or lose together. Work together to find a solution.

6. Realize that a strong marriage rarely has two strong people at the same time. It's usually a husband and wife taking turns being strong for each other in the moments when the other feels weak.

7. Prioritize what happens in the bedroom. It takes more than sex to build a strong marriage, but it's nearly impossible to build a strong marriage without it.

8. Give your best to each other, not your leftovers after you've given your best to everyone else.

9. Learn from other people, but don't feel the need to compare your life or your marriage to anyone else's. God's plan for your life is masterfully unique.

10. Don't put your marriage on hold while you're busy travelling for business and other things.  plan your activities together as much as you can possibly do, or else you'll end up with an empty nest and an empty marriage.

11. Never keep secrets from each other. Secrecy is the enemy of intimacy.

12. Never lie to each other. Lies break trust and trust is the foundation of a strong marriage.

13. When you've made a mistake, admit it and humbly seek forgiveness. You should be quick to say, "I was wrong. I'm sorry. Please forgive me."

14. When your husband/wife breaks your trust, give them your forgiveness instantly. This will promote healing and create the opportunity for trust to be rebuilt. You should be quick to say, "I love you. I forgive you. Let's move forward."

15. Be patient with each other. Your spouse is always more important than your schedule.

16. Model the kind of marriage that will make your sons want to grow up to be good husbands, and your daughters want to grow up to be good wives.

17. Be your spouse's biggest encourager, not his/her biggest critic. Be the one who wipes away their tears, not the one who causes them.

18. Avoid living separately in a different location.  Husband in Lagos, Wife in New York destroys home, especially when it prolongs.

19. Never consider divorce as an option. Remember that a "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

20. Respect your spouse in the presence of your children and outsiders, consider the word to speak when you are angry.  

Negatives words destroy marriages and cause divorce.

What does the Bible say about Marriage?

Marriage is planned by God to be a happy experience for both men and women.  It is a union of a man with his wife under God.  This was why God would always visit them in the garden of Eden before the fall of man. 

When God ordained the first marriage, He saw how beautiful the Union was and blessed them.  In Genesis 1:28 - God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living the thing that moves on the earth.”

By that divine arrangement, therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. The man was to love his wife, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, ’and the woman should submit to her own husband, as to the Lord. The marriage is to be respected by both of them and be held in honour among all, the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. (Math 19:5, Ephesians 5:22, 25, Hebrew 13:4)

By these scriptures, the woman submitting to her husband is a service unto the Lord, and not necessarily because the husband is more intelligent or brave, but to allow the plan of God to be established in the marriage.  God had ordained the man as the head of the home and blessed His arrangement, but if you overturn God's arrangement, the glory of God would depart from the marriage.

This is why I keep saying that every marriage is a ministry under God.  The wife submits to her own husband, as she would submit to Christ, so in submitting, loving her husband and the children, in building her home with the Word of the Lord, she is serving the Lord.

Another important issue in marriage seen from the scriptures is that all men should honour the institution of marriage, and do nothing to pollute or destroy it.  This statement is directed to men and women outside the home, to take their evil eyes and hands off a married couple. No man should knowingly seek to defile a married woman, no matter how careless she may be, the man should fear God and honour the institution of marriage.  In the same vein, let no woman seek friendship with a married man, to divert him and take his affection away from his wife and destroy the marriage, it is evil, and God Himself will judge all adulterers.

God hates divorce and in 1 Corinthians 7:39, the bible says "A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord". So the couples in marriage are encouraged to be united in the spirit as well as in the physical.  They have become one.  

The Lord saw the loneliness in the life of Adam and said: “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”  But this arrangement of God could be frustrated if the two people in a marriage are not in agreement.  I dare to add here, that many successful marriages evolve from a united couple, who love themselves and share common beliefs and see themselves as children of God, who are accountable to Him for their individual and collective actions.  The bible asked a question in Amos 3:3 - “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to meet?  

The husband and his wife should always be in agreement.  This is why forgiveness and patience is very important in marriage.


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