INFIDELITY::..........Consequences of continuous Denial!

Introduction

Infidelity is a serious threat to families and homes world over. Men and women have wandered away from their marital vows with great consequences for both couples and their children, relatives and close friends.

The major cause of this problem is that people do not understand that infidelity does not start the day the cheaters start sleeping with themselves.  No, it had started the day, one of them gave in to the temptation of the opposite sex and begins to desire the attention of that person. It starts from the emotional perspective and them graduate to lusting, burning desire and finally they start sleeping with themselves.

By the time they begin to talk for long hours on the phone, the desire to have more of each other begins to form and then their attitude towards their real spouses begins to change. You begin to notice your wife or husband going to the office too early than normal, so as to see the colleague before the official opening hours. 

Also, they will begin to return home late, all for the same reason because the two love birds would like a few minutes after office hours to talk and gist, look each other in the face place before leaving for home.

All the while, the man or woman indulging in the secret emotional affair do not realize they have already broken their marital trust and vows.  He or she are spiritually living apart with their partner in marriage, because emotional feelings have been transferred to the other man or woman, and there will be nothing to share with the real husband or wife at home.

When the innocent spouse suspects and asks important questions, it is rebuffed. 

An infidelity is a terrible act of wickedness because most often, the next desire is to kill the spouse that is angry and bitter about the evil done.  The stranger himself or herself seeks to kill the husband whom he sees as an enemy.  Recently, a young lady who has been sleeping with the father sought to kill her mum and marry her own father.  She added a poisonous substance to her mother's food to poison her to death, but her mother escaped death because she received prompt medical attention.  

In America and Europe, the problem is alimony payment and irreconcilability of the union, but in Africa, the higher risk is that of death arising from jealousy from the strange man/woman.  Whenever a faithful partner notices that his wife or husband has been unfaithful, the trust is destroyed, leaving the person with emotional pain, bitterness and strange thoughts of revenge and unforgiveness.

A believer must make a personal commitment to be faithful to God and to his/her spouse. A child of God must embrace the Word of God and obey the instructions thereon. A child of God must fear God and reverence Him in all things.

The Beginning - The Temptation:

 Brethren, the devil tempts us everywhere and in all situations. Anywhere people congregate or gather for one thing or the other, there is the temptation for unfaithfulness there.  The greatest instrument of the devil's attack, the one platform that brings many results for the devil is the opposite sex, followed by money.

The opposite sex because the man was created with an inner craving for sex (the opposite) sex. Every man or woman living has a craving for the opposite sex, except there is a medical or spiritual problem.  The devil has also prepared billions of demons to manipulate people to seduce each other, tempt each other and to deceive each other to commit immorality and be spiritually separated from God. 

The effect of demonic influence on people today is a lack of self-control.  Many people have developed uncontrollable sexual urge that nothing can stop.  The desire to satisfy their flesh means that anything goes and anywhere.

These are truths a Christian must know about the devil, especially married or ready to marry children of God. Now, we are living in days when the spirit of lust is so strong in the lives of people.  Some people with loose lifestyle and actions welcome the spirit of lust through watching pornography, naked pictures and other bizarre misconducts like scanty dressing etc.

The spirit they have welcomed into their lives is now controlling them and manipulating them to do things that are not convenient.  The spirit is now at war with mankind, using their agents to lure others into immorality. Today, young girls would be openly express love and feelings to old men, older than their fathers. They do everything to have a young man they love, except the guy is strong in the Lord and His Word lives in his heart.

Humanity is surely in trouble as the stories of lust, infidelity and breach of trust is not likely to abate because we are in the end-time, the era of seduction and lust. People are tending towards nakedness without remorse. Nakedness is incidentally, the full-blown manifestation of seduction and enthronement of lust, the mere sight of a full-grown woman either in a picture or in physical is all a man needs to arise and desire sex.  So, with nakedness almost everywhere, the families and marriage that will escape infidelity must make a definite commitment and vow before God and obey God's word and warning to maintain their salvation and be faithful.

Trust and Distrust

Trust is the foundation that marriage rests upon, but when it is broken, it often remains that way. A spouse can forgive, but that painful experience will lurk in the offended spouse’s mind. They won't want to let down their guards for fear that it could happen again. For some, it is easier to forgive than to forget. Trusting and getting hurt is bad enough. Who wants to walk blindly and chance it to happen again? It is not uncommon for a wounded spouse to put up barriers of protection.

Distrust is very common between the spouses when one has cheated. Distrust is like padding to lessen the blow if cheating happens again. It is hoarded like rare coins and not easy to give up. On the other hand, it is certainly not impossible to trust again, but it usually does not happen easily or quickly.

One victim of cheating said that, after she reconciled with her husband, the effects of infidelity were like a beautiful wedding cake that had been snatched by a starving dog that got away with the tier, the crowning part of the cake. Getting the trust back was as likely as finding that dog and hoping that he would regurgitate the tier intact. The remaining cake was still beautiful, but the unforgettable tier, the most attractive layer, could be forever gone and sorely missed. How could a loving spouse take such beauty away from a loved one he promised to cherish? Such pain is often indescribable.

Lives Affected

Cheating doesn't only affect a marriage. Cheaters victimize relationships with children, loving friends, other close family members, and themselves. Both cheaters’ families may suffer from pain, embarrassment, and awareness of community gossip. Such scandals seem to lower the integrity of whole families in communities. Even though this is stereotyping, whole families may suffer because of it. Children do not want their parents to suffer. Mothers and fathers do not want their married daughters to hurt needlessly. 

A good friend does not want to witness her best friend's husband in a compromising situation with another woman. A cousin or an aunt does not want to hear gossip about their loved one from outsiders in the community. A grandmother does not want to discover that her prized grandson is a cheater. Young people contemplating marriage one day may lose respect for the union due to all of the infidelities in society, and celebrity gossip coming through the media does not help either. All of these visible experiences are painful for many family members and others to bear when going through the effects of cheating.

Children may feel that their father or mother, who has chosen another family, has traded them for other children. Children, often the most wounded victims, suffer many years at the alienation of a parent from the family. Many children suffer silently and, too often, blame themselves. Sometimes the trauma spills over into the rest of their lives in the forms of various dysfunctions in their own families. It is clear that the forbidden pair and the innocent spouse are not the only ones affected by the unfaithfulness. Domino effects of such trauma could affect upcoming generations without proper intervention. Counselling is vital at this time, but most families fail to see the need for it.

The effects of cheating on the spouse can be lasting and may forever change her outlook on relationships and life. A second relationship or marriage could suffer repercussions stemming from the previous marriage if the victimized spouse has not healed. Many second husbands have reported spousal punishment because of the previous husband's errors. These scarred women, often severely misunderstood, are said to be "angry," "bitter," or "mad" when they are actually afraid, wounded, and not healed.

Distrust Between Cheaters

The cheaters realize later, when the newness of their relationship wears off, that they had neither consideration for the feelings and health of the ones whom they love, nor did they consider their own best interests. If the cheaters marry, each may wonder if the other thinks affectionately about their spouses or even wishes to reconcile, and this may cause a tinge of jealousy. Where is the trust between cheaters? This is where blaming each other may occur. Wrong relationships do not easily become the right ones.

The cheaters may accuse each other of seduction, lying, and using. They may even separate. The feelings of separation can be devastating even though both parties know that they are doing the right thing. Being alone, feeling the sting and loss resulting from poor decisions, feeling used and cheated of a normal life, and blaming each other, are all feelings that the couple often face after terminating their relationship. 

Trying to justify reasons to break up someone else’s home is short-lived. The truth has a way of bubbling its way out of individuals and staring them in the face. Thus, the cheaters grow to realize that they are each other’s victims. A younger woman, especially, may accuse an older man, whom she may think should have been wiser, of taking advantage of her youth and lack of knowledge of possible consequences. Can they ever completely trust each other considering the damage that they have done to their families? Escalating fears may eventually lead to bad blood between the cheaters.

Blaming the Innocent Spouse

The forbidden couple has a tendency to cast blame on the innocent spouse(s) in order to throw off their own feelings of guilt. Sometimes they fight to keep the innocent party from getting any financial support and even may convince themselves that any children in the marriage are better off with them, the fitter parents (dad and step-mother). 

They play the game of making the innocent spouse the culprit. Whatever the husband has told the mistress, she believes and uses against the wife. They spend much time trying to convince friends and family that the innocent spouse caused the problems that led to their coupling. They are trying to paint a picture of innocence, but they know better than anyone that this image is fabricated and can never be a masterpiece.

Alienation of Family, Friends, and Others

Some family, friends, acquaintances, and others may not readily socialize with the cheaters because they have sided with the innocent spouse, while others may choose to side with them. Still, others will distrust these cheaters around their own spouses or partners due to their adulterous reputations. The forbidden couple often attracts others like themselves or singles as friends. Of course, a few old friends will linger. The couple may also run the risk of being excluded or not accepted in certain social circles, which is a mirror of disrespect. Once a person is labelled in a community as unfaithful, it may never disappear, even if the person changes. Others, even outsiders, often do not forgive or trust again.

Lack of Affection

Some wives sue mistresses for alienation of affection. This decision can badly affect the mistress's financial stability. So, a risk-taker might want to think about this before pursuing someone else’s spouse.

More Distrust

Is it logical for cheaters to think that cheaters do not cheat? Imagine two cheaters married to each other. What are their secret thoughts? Can they trust each other? Where is the credibility? Is each capable of cheating on the other? They both have certainly had lots of practice. Their behaviours speak for them.

Guilt

Guilt is like a cancerous sore. It grows and gets worse as time passes. Soon it begins to occupy the mind, invading thoughts when it is not wanted. It causes worry, regret, and shame. Such thoughts certainly do not add to the happiness of any relationship. The cheating spouse may think about returning to his wife and rekindling his marriage. A spouse who has had a Christian upbringing may fear God’s judgment, end the affair, and seek forgiveness.

Vengeance and Desperation

There is always a slight chance that an obsessed party, who could be anyone in the triangle, may inflict bodily harm on the spouse, the mistress/lover, or the cheater due to desperation and a need to control. The mistress may try various manipulations to anger the wife in order to break up the marriage. A desperate mistress could even be a threat to the wife's life. Husbands have discovered too late that their mistresses were capable of harming their wives, even their children, in their attempts to alienate and quickly possess the husband.

Often wives do not know that their husbands are cheating. Many spouses and mistresses get so involved before they attempt to rectify their mistake that they have to endure the once unsuspecting spouse’s angry reactions, which could result in a very nasty and costly divorce. Some injured parties hire spies who collect loads of evidence against the husband or wife which could be devastating in court. 

Dealing With Consequences of Cheating

Many cheaters think that they can repair damage to their marriage if their spouses discover their infidelities. They feel that it is just a matter of getting the offended spouse to forgive them. That could happen, but it may not always be that simple. Some of the following consequences could be long-term or irreparable in marriage, home, and family after a spouse has been caught cheating:

1. broken trust

2. dysfunctional family

3. low self-esteem

4. severe depression

5. defamation of character

6. alienation of affection lawsuit

7. divorce

8. outside pregnancy

9. “baby's mama” problems that could affect spouse and family's wellbeing

10. Vengeance action leading to death

Consequences

Cheating is never right in a marriage or any relationship, and excuses are not acceptable. Consequences are devastating for all involved, especially the offended spouse and children. Even the cheaters endure the negative consequences of their poor choices. They may be alienated by family and friends and may have to undergo a financial and emotional change.

Men and women in marriage must take responsibility for their actions and commit themselves to faithfulness and then go ahead and put up the structures that will keep them faithful.  Many of the people who have fallen to the temptation of the opposite sex have had their borders wide open, without security guards to ward-off strangers.

Fear God

I am amazed at people who do not fear the Lord or have regards for His word. How would you survive temptation on all sides today, if you don't fear the Lord?  How long will you be faithful to your spouse and God if you don't have boundaries of behaviour well set and religiously obeyed? You must have strict spiritual and physical borders if you want to remain faithful to God and your spouse.  There must be some personal DOs AND DON'Ts that guide everyone in marriage. As a child of God and you must insist on biblical standards, else your fall is just a matter of time.  

There are things you do not need to see or touch, there are conversations you do not need to enter into; there are even faces you do not need to look at, talk less of looking into those eyes and admiring them.

Brethren, as important as we need grace, we must be determined to resist every temptation, even to the point of blood.  Joseph's resistance landed him in jail, but God honoured him there and took him from that prison, straight to the palace.

Prove you are Born Again
Infidelity is the test every married man or woman must pass today if they are Christians.  Once you fall to the opposite sex, the chances are that you may fall again and again until God delivers you from that valley.  Do you know why...Because the devil will always use the point of your weakness to tempt you over and over again.

Let us surrender to Jesus Christ because there is nothing good in us, sinners and request for His grace and mercy to see us through our journey on earth.  It will not be by your human wisdom, approach or other efforts, the devil is wiser than man, you must surrender to Jesus the weaknesses of your life and exchange them with the image and likeness of Jesus.  Seek more of Him that created heaven and earth, and it will be well with you!

FIRE...